Showing posts from February, 2022

An Example of Releasing Control

One very common trait of people in general, but especially those who deal with addiction, is the desire for control. The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) describes it well in Chapter 5 - "How It Works, pages 60-62." " Each person is like an actor who wants to run the whole show; is forever trying to arrange the lights, the ballet, the scenery, and the rest of the players in his own way. If his arrangements would only stay put, if only people would do as he wished, the show would be great. Everybody, including himself, would be pleased. Life would be wonderful. In trying to make these arrangements our actor may sometimes be quite virtuous. He may be kind, considerate, patient, generous; even modest, and self-sacrificing. On the other hand, he may be mean, egotistical, selfish, and dishonest. But, as with most humans, he is more likely to have varied traits. "What usually happens? The show doesn’t come off very well. He begins to think life doesn’t treat him righ

Two Steps Forward, One Step Back - The Roller Coaster Ride of Mental Illness

(Trigger warning for discussion of suicide.) It is truly amazing how good one can be doing in progressing in mental health issues, only to have a huge setback. I know what I wrote for the title, but lately, it seems like two steps forward, five steps back. I have no doubt I've made a lot of progress in the past few years. Since experiencing the lowest time in my life about 6 years ago, I have 1 - become a professional writer and photographer, dreams I had completely given up on; 2 - become semi-fluent at sign language, another dream I had given up on; 3 - been able to be around for my parents who, though still mostly independent, have needed that help several times and honestly, probably wouldn't still be here if I wasn't around; 4 - found a therapist with whom I'm actually making great progress; 5 - realized I'm an addict and am now sober for over three years in one addiction and making slower progress, but still progress, in the other; and 6 - met an incredible ma