Spotlight on Stigma... Welcomed but Not Accepted

This morning I was reminded about a women's retreat that happened last fall. I meant to post about it then, but just realized I never did. This retreat raised a question I've thought about for years. It's a universal question, not only about the church, but I feel those of faith should do a better job with it than those outside of it. Spoiler alert - I don't have the answer. No one I've ever talked to about it has the answer. I do know this at least... it's something that's decided on a case-by-case basis. Unfortunately the decision is often in favor of the "haves" (and I'm a have-not 😔). Let me tell you more about the retreat. Our church had been planning it for months, so when the following occurred, it wasn't a surprise. However, I thought I had a shoot that weekend so when they would talk about it during the Sunday morning service, I tuned out. I couldn't go so the details didn't matter. (To be honest, in some ways I was glad I...

For probably a decade, I was a "none" - a person who was still a Christian but had given up on church. I was tired of being hurt. I was tired of the hypocracy. I was especially tired of being "welcomed, but not accepted." Though I felt in my heart that there were churches out there who were different, I couldn't find one and didn't have the drive to try.  Then I discovered I am an addict. When I found a support group for my addiction and began attending, I noticed something very enlightening. I was fully accepted - even though I had messed up royally in my life, even though I am an addict, even though I am very, very far from having it all together. I had found my people. The best thing about it is that the majority in my group are Christians, or at least seem to be. Their Higher Power is God, as is mine. Though we don't talk about the Bible, we often talk about principles that are faith-based.  This group of messed up, broken addicts became my church. I...

It's a given that chronic pain is, um, painful, but until you live with it, you don't realize one huge side effect. Chronic pain is exhausting. The effort it takes to do everyday tasks when you are hurting is immense. Nothing and nowhere is comfortable, even bed. Even if the pain lessens or goes away in one area, often it then pops up in another. Indulge me for a minute to let me tell you about a few hours of my life with chronic pain.  Yesterday I did too much. I had several activities I needed to attend and, though there's technically always a choice about going or not going to anything, I felt in each case it was important to go. Something I forgot to mention is that dealing with chronic pain is also a mind-game. Your body never gives you a heads-up on when you will have good days, bad days, or oh...my...gosh days.  The day before yesterday was a pretty good day. Some activities were painful but overall, I made it through the day being able to do everything I planned (al...

It's over a quarter of a century into 2025. I'm over two quarters of a century old. And boy, today, do I feel it. New Year's Day is one of those holidays that often involves a lot of fun and relaxation. The major stresses of the holidays are over (except undecorating!) and many are off work. Watching football is the main activity for a good majority of the US. New Year's resolutions are now in effect, and though some may be broken before the day is over, there's still a lot of hope that this will be the year of positive changes. But not for me... not this New Year's Day. I haven't felt this much of a loss of purpose, a loss of hope, in a very long time. As you know if you read this blog, I deal with bipolar, type 2, so depression is not just circumstantial. It's very much a chemical thing that can't be ignored, with medication, therapy and the support of others to keep going. Let's talk about those ways I've used to cope with mental health is...

 It's been just over 2 weeks since he died, but was much longer because I wasn't able to talk to him the last couple of months he was alive.  Jack, my sponsor, mentor, officiant of my wedding, and best friend isn't here any more. I've missed him incredibly and today that feeling was increased a thousand-fold. Jack was my biggest encourager of my work. He's the first one (other than family) who really believed in me and both my photography and writing skills. He gave me advice when I asked but didn't continually critique my work. He told me stories of his own professional experience and others he knew in similar fields. But mostly, Jack listened to me. He was the one I could always call when I was having a bad day or something was really going wrong.  I can't remember when we first shared the phrase "the sh*t-truck just dumped another load in my driveway," but it became an ongoing joke as well as a phrase I would use if my call was an SOS. The first...

Today is December 1, 2024.  Thanksgiving was this past week. After an almost-full-blown panic attack, I made it to my family gathering and did okay. Otherwise, this week hasn't been that eventful. Work is slim this time of year so at least I didn't have a lot of commitments I had to fulfill. I'm thankful because I also wasn't feeling well. Part of the reason I wasn't feeling well was that this past Sunday morning my sponsor, mentor, and one of my best friends, Jack, passed away. I knew he was in the hospital but he didn't want any visitors so he wouldn't tell me where he was. He quickly became too weak to talk or text though I was pretty sure he wouldn't make it, when I got a voicemail from his brother-in-law, it was still a shock. I've been crying off and on all week. I miss him terribly. That loss, combined with the upcoming holidays (with very, very limited resources and energy for gifts, decorating, and Christmas activities), my back getting wors...