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Chronic Pain is Exhausting - and It's No Joke

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It's a given that chronic pain is, um, painful, but until you live with it, you don't realize one huge side effect. Chronic pain is exhausting. The effort it takes to do everyday tasks when you are hurting is immense. Nothing and nowhere is comfortable, even bed. Even if the pain lessens or goes away in one area, often it then pops up in another. Indulge me for a minute to let me tell you about a few hours of my life with chronic pain.  Yesterday I did too much. I had several activities I needed to attend and, though there's technically always a choice about going or not going to anything, I felt in each case it was important to go. Something I forgot to mention is that dealing with chronic pain is also a mind-game. Your body never gives you a heads-up on when you will have good days, bad days, or oh...my...gosh days.  The day before yesterday was a pretty good day. Some activities were painful but overall, I made it through the day being able to do everything I planned (al...
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New Year's 2025 Musings

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It's over a quarter of a century into 2025. I'm over two quarters of a century old. And boy, today, do I feel it. New Year's Day is one of those holidays that often involves a lot of fun and relaxation. The major stresses of the holidays are over (except undecorating!) and many are off work. Watching football is the main activity for a good majority of the US. New Year's resolutions are now in effect, and though some may be broken before the day is over, there's still a lot of hope that this will be the year of positive changes. But not for me... not this New Year's Day. I haven't felt this much of a loss of purpose, a loss of hope, in a very long time. As you know if you read this blog, I deal with bipolar, type 2, so depression is not just circumstantial. It's very much a chemical thing that can't be ignored, with medication, therapy and the support of others to keep going. Let's talk about those ways I've used to cope with mental health is...
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Dear Jack

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 It's been just over 2 weeks since he died, but was much longer because I wasn't able to talk to him the last couple of months he was alive.  Jack, my sponsor, mentor, officiant of my wedding, and best friend isn't here any more. I've missed him incredibly and today that feeling was increased a thousand-fold. Jack was my biggest encourager of my work. He's the first one (other than family) who really believed in me and both my photography and writing skills. He gave me advice when I asked but didn't continually critique my work. He told me stories of his own professional experience and others he knew in similar fields. But mostly, Jack listened to me. He was the one I could always call when I was having a bad day or something was really going wrong.  I can't remember when we first shared the phrase "the sh*t-truck just dumped another load in my driveway," but it became an ongoing joke as well as a phrase I would use if my call was an SOS. The first...
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It's the Holidays Again

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Today is December 1, 2024.  Thanksgiving was this past week. After an almost-full-blown panic attack, I made it to my family gathering and did okay. Otherwise, this week hasn't been that eventful. Work is slim this time of year so at least I didn't have a lot of commitments I had to fulfill. I'm thankful because I also wasn't feeling well. Part of the reason I wasn't feeling well was that this past Sunday morning my sponsor, mentor, and one of my best friends, Jack, passed away. I knew he was in the hospital but he didn't want any visitors so he wouldn't tell me where he was. He quickly became too weak to talk or text though I was pretty sure he wouldn't make it, when I got a voicemail from his brother-in-law, it was still a shock. I've been crying off and on all week. I miss him terribly. That loss, combined with the upcoming holidays (with very, very limited resources and energy for gifts, decorating, and Christmas activities), my back getting wors...
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Perspective Shift on Homelessness Due to a Family Member

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(Before I start, I want you to know that I do realize there's a better way to refer to the homeless now, but, for the life of me, I can't remember what it is. I'll update this if I ever think of it.) There is a lot of controversy over what to do about the homeless population. Some say to not give them money because it just fuels their addictions. Others say that it's the Christian thing to do - to help those in need. I have been torn between the two - at times doing one and sometimes the other. But there's nothing like having a situation like this get personal for it to change your perspective... One of my nephews has a few mental health issues - the kind that make living a typical life almost impossible. He's incredibly smart and had an incredible future ahead of him before all this happened.  He had an episode before he was diagnosed where he was violent. This kid (I still think that though he's almost 30) is one of the most tranquil, laid-back individuals...
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Random Thoughts about the Book of Isaiah (and the Bible in General)

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If you have read this blog for any length of time, you know that I'm all over the place. Topics for posts vary from true stigmas to random thoughts I have about life. So, you shouldn't be surprised that seemingly out of the blue I'm writing a post about a well-known, but only partially loved, book in the Old Testament. You also shouldn't be surprised that I'm extremely honest about how I feel concerning a topic - even when it's against what many believe. Let me 'splain... First, some background. I have a friend who was an acquaintance but with whom recently I've gotten to know better. She has a podcast called "Meet Me in Isaiah." According to its Facebook page, this podcast's main message is to "share the Good News of Jesus Christ by creatively promoting Isaiah 53. Written about 700 years before Jesus' birth, Isaiah 53 is a precise and concise description of Who He is and what He did for us."   Here's part 1 of the honesty...
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On Saturday, September 28, 2024, I'm Grateful For...

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This week I was reminded about a principle integral to Christianity, addiction recovery, and almost any type of counseling currently offered. That principle is gratefulness. Today has been a rough day. A lot has gone wrong - but a lot has also gone right. When things were going wrong this morning my husband joked and called me a pessimist.  He was right. So I set out to prove him wrong and proceeded to turn all of the things that went wrong for the rest of the day into something I could be grateful for.  But what do you do when you have a fight with that same man and then it suddenly feels like there's absolutely nothing to be grateful for no matter how hard you try and no matter how you felt just an hour or two earlier? It took me a while, but then it just hit me like a ton of bricks (ouch!)... ...I need to be grateful anyway. I'm still mad at him. I'm still hurt by what started it. I still don't know how to get through the rest of the evening processing these feelin...
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