Dear Jack

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 It's been just over 2 weeks since he died, but was much longer because I wasn't able to talk to him the last couple of months he was alive. 

Jack, my sponsor, mentor, officiant of my wedding, and best friend isn't here any more.

I've missed him incredibly and today that feeling was increased a thousand-fold.

Jack was my biggest encourager of my work. He's the first one (other than family) who really believed in me and both my photography and writing skills. He gave me advice when I asked but didn't continually critique my work. He told me stories of his own professional experience and others he knew in similar fields.

But mostly, Jack listened to me. He was the one I could always call when I was having a bad day or something was really going wrong. 

I can't remember when we first shared the phrase "the sh*t-truck just dumped another load in my driveway," but it became an ongoing joke as well as a phrase I would use if my call was an SOS.

The first time I had fun with this phrase was to give him a note that a family in a 3rd world country was going to get a gift of manure in his name. Now, that sounds like a joke in itself, but it's really a prized gift for a family doing trying to make a living through gardening. This was a legit Christmas present through an organization who helps feed families in 3rd world countries and give them the skills for jobs.

But the main time it was used was when I had a setback with my freelance business or my mental health (anxiety/depression/mania) got in the way of living life. I would call and I just had to say that the truck was back, and he knew where I was and how he could help.

Well, today was the first time that truck has dropped off a load since he's been gone. My tears for what happened weren't that extreme until I realized I couldn't call and talk to him about it... ever again.

Today has been a rough day, to say the least. I'm still reeling from the news I got and exhausted from the crying I've done so I'll make this short. My plan is to come back here and share things about him as I remember them. 

But for now, I just want to say again what I always said before hanging up the phone, "Love you, big brother." (And miss you!!!!)


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