Spotlight on Stigma... Welcomed but Not Accepted

Hallmark movies. Holiday commercials. Magazine spreads. They all perpetuate the myth that holidays are a joyful time for everyone. I don't want to be a downer, but I'm one of those who doesn't like most holidays.  The noise is overstimulating. I feel guilty when I eat foods bad for me... but I'm still struggling with saying no to them, especially when everyone else is. I feel pressure to socialize, which when I'm in a low cycle is especially hard. Today, Thanksgiving 2021, has been rough. It started out rough, with several difficult to deal with situations first thing this morning.  I thought it was getting better. When I first arrived for Thanksgiving dinner with my family, I was able to talk to them without too much trouble. I thought that it was going to be a "good day." About an hour into the gathering, I was done. I started having a hard time just talking to others. I wanted to hide. And then one of my worst fears happened.... The chair I was sitting ...

It's been a rough few weeks.  I've had a lot of work, which as a freelancer, is wonderful.  However, I've had a lot of work, which as one who struggles with several invisible illnesses, is terrible.  Yesterday and today I've felt especially rough. I would almost swear it's the flu, or even COVID, except that 1) I'm not running a fever and 2) I've felt this exact way before and was tested, and was negative. I'm in a low cycle right now with my bipolar though because of my tremendous work ethic, I've been able to get any work with deadlines done on or before those deadlines.  But that's where it ended. All of those other things that I want to do when I have time, like work on my book ideas, research some more in-depth articles I want to write, or get more done on personal projects, simply aren't getting done.  I can't help but think back to a few years ago, before I found a medicine that helped my mental health issues, when I wrote an artic...

I jokingly call my smartphone my "external brain," but honestly it's not a joke. I can't imagine living without it. Yes, I use it for fun, for entertainment, but more than anything it's a tool to keep my life somewhat sane. If you have any issues with mental health or auto-immune diseases that affect your mind and body, I'm sure you can understand. No matter how much I try to keep my life organized, there is just way too much information to try to keep up with and less brainpower than I've ever had in my life in which to do it. I thought this week I would list some of the apps that I regularly use to help stay on top of things. CHROME INTERNET BROWSER...     I found Google's Chrome browser many years ago, when they were one of the very few, or maybe the only, browser that you could use on multiple platforms and share info. I have a system of bookmark files for various parts of my life and I save bookmarks like crazy. Sometimes I go through them to clea...

So much of this blog is focused on the negative that I thought I would mention three really wonderful things that happened this week. 1 - My ex-husband sold the house he inherited from his parents. He owed me a LOT of back child support. For years, I've been thinking about going after him for it. However, since he doesn't have a regular job, I didn't think I could get anything from him. In other words, you can't get blood out of a turnip. For over ten years, he has been telling me he was going to sell his house to pay what he owed. EVERY time I talked to him about it, he told me that it should be ready to list on the market in "about six weeks." This went on for years.  Then four or five years ago, he inherited a house from his parents. By this point, I pretty much never talked to him as our daughter was older and so I didn't need to (no more co-parenting). I just assumed that he would sell that house as it was ready to sell, no major issues that needed to...