Spotlight on Stigma... Welcomed but Not Accepted

I wish so much I wasn't affected by my circumstances. There are some who seem rock hard in their faith. Of course, there's a chance they aren't either - they are either good actors or who haven't had a lot happen to them in life.  Anyway, I wanted to write this post a few days ago, but I never had a moment to sit down and write. I'm glad I didn't because there's been a twist that I didn't see coming (after I also didn't see its origin coming... lots of blindsides lately it feels like.) My adult daughter just moved back in with my mom, my husband and me. I won't lie... it's been a really rough transition. There's no extra space to put anything. I already felt my space was full - now it's overly full.  Plus my daughter's cats live in her room and a "catio" (a small enclosure with a top on it so they can go outside safely.) At night she lets them out to play in the area that includes my study/office. I now have to somewhat ...

I am a calendar person. Even though I moved to a Google calendar years ago, I still keep a paper calendar up where I can easily see it. The main reason I have it is so that I can see the dates the weeks before and weeks after easily. So, other than the birthays and anniversaries I include (because they don't change), even month is a clean slate. I have used this calendar in several different ways. One year I was pushing fitness - so I had small holographic stars I added each time I did anything physical beyond my normal routine. Another year I used it to keep up with my mood. That year I used sad, happy, and flat (straight lips instead of a smile or frown) emoticon stickers on each day. Last year I was over all of the thinking that went into the simple task of checking off each day - but I still wanted it to be colorful so I used big holographic stickers in different shapes to make the passage of time (and be able to see "today" at a glance.) However, several years are fi...

Before I get into this post, you need to know these things...  - I personally don't believe cussing is bad. I do believe that cursing  is bad. My opinion is that the word shit is just another word for crap which is another word for feces or manure. They are just words.  Cursing, on the other hand, is taking God's name and using it in anger.  Yelling "Jesus Christ!" after being cut off or "God damn it!" is very different than voicing either "shit" or "crap" or just "damn" or "dang."  What it comes down to for me is that it's the attitude and meaning behind what is being said that's the issue, not the words themselves. So, in this post, I will use the word shit - and I will use it liberally. I could change it to crap or to manure, but I feel "shit" just fits these situations better. As for me using an asterisk in the title, who am I kidding? If you are over 6 years old, you know what I'm really sayi...

Disclaimer before I start: I'm not a psychiatrist, therapist or social worker. This is written from my perspective as one who has I've dealt with clinical depression since I was a teenager - over 40 years. I have spent countless hours in psychiatrist's and therapist's offices and have spent hundreds of hours learning on my own about this disease.  Before we go further, let me share the official criteria to be diagnosed with clinical depression or MDD - Major Depressive Disorder. Symptoms used to diagnose Major Depressive Disorder (paraphrased from the DSM5) are: - Depressed mood - sad, empty, hopeless, tearful - Loss of interest/pleasure - Significant weight loss/gain or decrease or increase in appetite  - Insomnia or excessive sleepiness  - Restlessness or slow movement - Feeling worthless or excessive/inappropriate guilt - Problems with concentration, indecisive - Recurring thoughts of death/suicide To be officially diagnosed, a person has to exhibit five of the above...

I just don't understand.  My 25-year-old daughter is in the process of moving from living with her former fiancé' back to the home my mother, husband and I share. If you've read much of this blog, you'll already know about my tiny living situation. In fact, I've posted at least one blog specifically about tips for living in a tiny space. Due to this, I've had a lot on me the last few weeks. My husband and I have had to clean out the room that was our den/kitchenette/my place to keep clothes - and find other places for everything. Thankfully, we have attic space - but we had to clean out and organize the attic to make room for our extra furniture and stuff that just wouldn't fit. This has been a huge task... and it's not finished. However, as of yesterday, we have what will be her bedroom (and living room and study) ready. All of our furniture is out. All of the shelves and pictures on the wall are down (though I still have to fill and touch up the holes)...

Is there a place for a person who's really hurting at church on Sunday morning?  For the last 24 hours or so, I have been hurting really badly. My back has been killing me. My ears have been throbbing. The one floater I still have in my left eye after surgery to remove them, which usually isn't apparent, has been, well, apparent. On top of all that, when I got home from a few wonderful days of a mini-vacation, there was mail that some of my doctors are no longer covered by my insurance.  So, I'm having physical issues, and in the middle of it, I'm going to have to find new doctors. I'm still working on getting three different specialty meds I'm supposed to be using that I'm having problems obtaining.  I'm tired. I'm hurting. And I'm at church where everything is upbeat and happy. with the joy of the Lord. This brings up a question that I've wondered about before, but never had this kind of in-my-face direct example of living it.  I am hurting...

This morning I was reminded about a women's retreat that happened last fall. I meant to post about it then, but just realized I never did. This retreat raised a question I've thought about for years. It's a universal question, not only about the church, but I feel those of faith should do a better job with it than those outside of it. Spoiler alert - I don't have the answer. No one I've ever talked to about it has the answer. I do know this at least... it's something that's decided on a case-by-case basis. Unfortunately the decision is often in favor of the "haves" (and I'm a have-not 😔). Let me tell you more about the retreat. Our church had been planning it for months, so when the following occurred, it wasn't a surprise. However, I thought I had a shoot that weekend so when they would talk about it during the Sunday morning service, I tuned out. I couldn't go so the details didn't matter. (To be honest, in some ways I was glad I...

For probably a decade, I was a "none" - a person who was still a Christian but had given up on church. I was tired of being hurt. I was tired of the hypocracy. I was especially tired of being "welcomed, but not accepted." Though I felt in my heart that there were churches out there who were different, I couldn't find one and didn't have the drive to try.  Then I discovered I am an addict. When I found a support group for my addiction and began attending, I noticed something very enlightening. I was fully accepted - even though I had messed up royally in my life, even though I am an addict, even though I am very, very far from having it all together. I had found my people. The best thing about it is that the majority in my group are Christians, or at least seem to be. Their Higher Power is God, as is mine. Though we don't talk about the Bible, we often talk about principles that are faith-based.  This group of messed up, broken addicts became my church. I...

It's a given that chronic pain is, um, painful, but until you live with it, you don't realize one huge side effect. Chronic pain is exhausting. The effort it takes to do everyday tasks when you are hurting is immense. Nothing and nowhere is comfortable, even bed. Even if the pain lessens or goes away in one area, often it then pops up in another. Indulge me for a minute to let me tell you about a few hours of my life with chronic pain.  Yesterday I did too much. I had several activities I needed to attend and, though there's technically always a choice about going or not going to anything, I felt in each case it was important to go. Something I forgot to mention is that dealing with chronic pain is also a mind-game. Your body never gives you a heads-up on when you will have good days, bad days, or oh...my...gosh days.  The day before yesterday was a pretty good day. Some activities were painful but overall, I made it through the day being able to do everything I planned (al...

It's over a quarter of a century into 2025. I'm over two quarters of a century old. And boy, today, do I feel it. New Year's Day is one of those holidays that often involves a lot of fun and relaxation. The major stresses of the holidays are over (except undecorating!) and many are off work. Watching football is the main activity for a good majority of the US. New Year's resolutions are now in effect, and though some may be broken before the day is over, there's still a lot of hope that this will be the year of positive changes. But not for me... not this New Year's Day. I haven't felt this much of a loss of purpose, a loss of hope, in a very long time. As you know if you read this blog, I deal with bipolar, type 2, so depression is not just circumstantial. It's very much a chemical thing that can't be ignored, with medication, therapy and the support of others to keep going. Let's talk about those ways I've used to cope with mental health is...