Aspects of Caregiving that Aren't Talked About

Caregiving is HARD! I knew it would be emotional to have someone you love need help for so many formerly independent tasks. I knew it would also be taxing because of losing sleep. I knew it would be financially draining due to losing work and missing potential work opportunities because of something coming up with my mom's health or having a sitter not be able to come at the last minute.

But I didn't know there were so many other aspects that you would never think about until you are there.

Things like... 

- eating fast-food or take out more because of not having the energy to grocery shop or fix food;

- bills piling up and checks bouncing from not being able to stay on top of mail and paperwork;

- not being able to work out consistently because of needing to find someone who can stay with her when I want to go to the gym; 

- having to throw away food that spoiled because of not being able to keep my act together enough to use it in time;

- the guilt of doing things (like going out to eats) without her; 

- knowing that there are lots of other caregivers out there and even caregiving support groups, but not having the time or energy to access that support; 

- the brain fog that develops because of so many decisions to make with some being tiny things to others being potentially life-or-death;

- how hard it is to keep a relationship going with your spouse because of the added stress and time apart, both physically and emotionally (mostly due to exhaustion);

- little things like missing return windows on items that we bought and didn't work out and missed sales...

But by far the biggest aspect of caregiving that I was totally unprepared for is always, always, always second-guessing every decision - from how much to hover to keep her safe vs giving her as much independence and autonomy as possible to not knowing what to do if she's not feeling well but it's not quite bad enough to call the hospice nurse.

It's been a little over seven months now since my mom went on hospice. Something else I really wasn't prepared for is how one would think that I would have adapted to this life by now. But obviously I haven't. 

I'll still see a concert I'd like to try to shoot and/or cover (through my freelance work as a photographer and writer) and only after I've started trying to get the job, I'll realize I have no one to stay with her. I'll see something I really want to buy on Facebook Marketplace and then realize I have no one be with her while I'm gone - even if it's only 30 minutes. I'll meet someone new at church and start to plan to go out to eat with them after the service is over - only to realize the sitter I got to stay with her during church won't stay longer with her because they have their own plans.

One thing I want to make sure I emphasize - I wouldn't have it any other way. I feel priviledged to take care of my mom. I'm thankful that I'm in a place where I get to.

But there are a lot of times I just really, really wish it wasn't so hard.