But I Thought Christians were Giving, Even if the Circumstances aren't Ideal

I just don't understand. 

My 25-year-old daughter is in the process of moving from living with her former fiancé' back to the home my mother, husband and I share. If you've read much of this blog, you'll already know about my tiny living situation. In fact, I've posted at least one blog specifically about tips for living in a tiny space.

Due to this, I've had a lot on me the last few weeks. My husband and I have had to clean out the room that was our den/kitchenette/my place to keep clothes - and find other places for everything. Thankfully, we have attic space - but we had to clean out and organize the attic to make room for our extra furniture and stuff that just wouldn't fit.

This has been a huge task... and it's not finished. However, as of yesterday, we have what will be her bedroom (and living room and study) ready. All of our furniture is out. All of the shelves and pictures on the wall are down (though I still have to fill and touch up the holes). My closet is empty. 

She originally thought that she had to be out the 15th of this month (currently it's the 11th). About a week and a half ago, they were looking at the lease and realized that the move out date is the 21st. 

Side note #1: If you don't read this blog, you won't know that my daughter has several mental and physical issues that make everyday life really, really hard to navigate. She hasn't been able to work more than a few sporadic part-time jobs over the past few years. She gets overwhelmed easily. She's come a long way toward learning to cope with her challenges but has a long way to go.

Side note #2: Even if you do read this blog, you won't know that her former fiancé/now-roommate has hoarder tendencies. I won't say she's technically a hoarder, but she has a LOT of stuff. She has a very hard time getting rid of anything. My daughter also has a good amount of stuff, but nothing compared to her roommate.

Side note #3: Even if you read this blog, you also won't know how many animals they have. Though some they are fostering for a friend who will be taking them soon, between them, they have 14 cats, 2 dogs and 2 rats. They also feed local feral cats. They also have many collections - Funko Pops, World's Smallest items (at least those are small), DVD and VHS movies... I could go on and on. 

Side note #4: (there was only going to be one of these when I started - sigh...): Though my daughter really tries, it's impossible to keep a house totally clean with a semi-hoarder and that many animals. Everything that does come to our house has to be cleaned before it can be put in her room or the attic.

Back to the regularly scheduled programming... This move is a big deal. It's not like any move I've ever experienced - my own or friends or family. All of their collections, clothes, shoes, kitchen stuff, even furniture... everything is enmeshed. They have to go through it together to even figure out who gets what, as a lot was bought together. 

This is a big deal because her roommate works 50-60 hours a week and has her own mental and physical issues (though not nearly as severe as my daughter's). There isn't a lot of time to sort it all - and the clock is ticking toward the day they have to be out.

My husband and I are exhausted - mentally, emotionally, physically. It has been a lot to get everything out of her room. We're doing this around work, helping my mom, faith-based activities, etc. Everything has to be done in a specific order. Some parts only I can do. Some only my husband can do. Some has to be both of us. It's a lot.

On top of that, I'm also helping my daughter get motivated enough to pack and get ready - and I'm the one arranging the timeline and help to actually do the moving.

Okay, now that you know all this, you'll understand a little more where I'm coming from with this post.

My original plan was to move our furniture to our bedroom and attic - up a long flight of stairs - this past Thursday (the 8th) and then move the majority of my daughter's furniture and belongings yesterday (the 10th). For this we needed one strong man who could help my husband move the furniture upstairs (between my back, age, and other factors, moving heavy stuff is forever no longer part of my skill-set). Then we needed a couple of trucks and a few other strong guys to get her stuff out of her house and taken to ours.

I knew it wouldn't be a lot. We needed to move about 6-8 pieces of furniture, then as many boxes as she had packed. So it should have taken only a couple of hours, including travel time (30 minutes from her house to ours). 

My network of friends through faith-based organizations has grown greatly over the past year. When I began to plan out how this would work, I was sure I would have plenty of help.

After my first requests, no-one responded. Not one. I sent out queries to my church's small group (about 20 people), a large women's group I'm part of (hoping a husband could help), my church's worship team, (about 15 guys in the rotation), the Deaf church, and a few others.

I had an offer by two men from the Deaf church we attend part-time to bring their trucks to my daughter's house to have something for the big furniture to travel in. Due to being in their 70s, they couldn't help much with moving but they could provide the means to get it to our house - still a huge help.

However, I had no help moving the heavy furniture. It would take a while - and a lot of hour-long round trips - but eventually, my husband, daughter and I could get all of the boxes and smaller, lighter furniture... if we had to. What about the heavy and/or bulky furniture? I can't afford to pay anyone and it had to leave that house... somehow.

About a week before the deadline, two more friends came through. One church friend asked in her own small group and had a one man volunteer to help with the evening shift at our house, moving furniture upstairs.

Another had a son in a Christian private school. Some of his friends (15 years old) needed service hours and my friend talked to their moms about our need. All three agreed! I gave them my and my daughter's addresses and set a time for this to happen. 

Then, a fourth! A single woman in my small group said she'd come and help.

It wasn't an abundance - but I hoped it would be enough.

So, at this point you are probably wondering where the title for this post came from if I got the help I needed.

This is why I'm writing... 

The friend of a friend did show on Thursday night and helped get everything out of the bedroom. He was there maybe an hour and we are so thankful he agreed to come and do some pretty physical labor for us - someone he didn't even know before that night.

But Saturday - when the big move was supposed to happen...

Well, let's go back to Wednesday, when, after knowing my daughter's address for about two weeks, I got a text from my friend about the teens that needed service hours. She had just heard from one of their moms, saying that they couldn't come because where my daughter lived had shootings with people having been killed in that neighborhood. 

My daughter had lived there two and a half years - with no issues. (Well, her roommate had her car broken into, but that kind of thing also happens other places - even the fancy-schmancy area where we currently live.) In fact, back when she was looking into rentals and she took me to see it, I felt a peace about her being there. She told me she had felt the same thing.

Back again to Wednesday... they would still be willing to unload at our house - located in a city that has the reputation of a "safe" area.

So they all bailed. Three out of the four who had committed to help were no longer in the equation. 

But I still had the one friend from my own small group, right?

Nope. She had forgotten about a family commitment she had that day.

My friends from the Deaf Church were still willing to bring trucks but we had no-one to help load them.

I just don't understand.

Update on June 18, 2025:

It's been about a month since the move-out date came and went. Thankfully, my daughter's former fiancé' didn't hold a grudge and was willing to help us load the big and/or heavy items into my brother's 20 year old truck. When we got it to our house, we flagged down neighbors, basically strangers, who were willing to unload. The friend who said couldn't do it because of a family obligation did help with one load - and I'm not discounting that. I appreciate her and all those who did come through.

We made trip after trip and finally got everything out of the house on the early morning hours the day after they were supposed to be out.

So, we got it done. But it took a HUGE physical, mental and financial toll. I still don't understand. I thought the Church was supposed to be there for each other - and honestly, I thought that was even when it was inconvenient to do so.

I guess I was wrong.