What Can Churches Do about the Chasm between the "Haves" and "Have-Nots"?

This morning I was reminded about a women's retreat that happened last fall. I meant to post about it then, but just realized I never did. This retreat raised a question I've thought about for years.

It's a universal question, not only about the church, but I feel those of faith should do a better job with it than those outside of it.

Spoiler alert - I don't have the answer. No one I've ever talked to about it has the answer. I do know this at least... it's something that's decided on a case-by-case basis.

Unfortunately the decision is often in favor of the "haves" (and I'm a have-not 😔).

Let me tell you more about the retreat. Our church had been planning it for months, so when the following occurred, it wasn't a surprise. However, I thought I had a shoot that weekend so when they would talk about it during the Sunday morning service, I tuned out. I couldn't go so the details didn't matter.

(To be honest, in some ways I was glad I didn't have to make the decision on going or not because my social anxiety still runs rampant in my life and there was a part of me that was nervous about taking the plunge.)

Anyway, about a week before the ladies were leaving for the retreat, I realized that the shoot had been rescheduled and I had forgotten to take it off my calendar. Because I was brave at the moment, I decided to try to go. The deadline had passed for registration but I assumed (correctly) that there was still space.

Keep in mind that at this time I was still relatively new to this church. I had gotten to know a few people, but none very well. I would be going to the retreat with a bunch of strangers, but I was desperate for friends. I knew that if I made the leap to go, I might make a friend or two - and even if I didn't, I would at least hopefully feel more a part of the church.

So, I reached out to the one who was in charge about possibly going. I was right - she said there were spots available. She was excited about me going and at this point, I was excited too.

Then I told her that I couldn't afford it. As my husband and I both freelance, our income is tied to our work. We weren't even making the bills with the business, much less had enough extra to spend "only" $300 for something that wasn't necessary.

Our church isn't rich but most members have more than enough. I really thought that there would be scholarships available. When the women's leader mentioned that someone had pulled out but didn't ask for a refund for her registration, she excitedly told me that it would "only" be $200. 

I was devastated. $200 was as far out of reach as $5000. I argued with the retreat leader about the topic of this post (for which I'm ashamed about now), but it again brought up something I've wondered about since I was young...

When I was a teen, I had a friend who only came to church one or two times a month because she only had two dresses and didn't want everyone to know. That made a huge impression on me and I never forgot it. In fact, I decided to boycott dresses for church as soon as I was old enough to go to a church on my own because of that situation.

Back to present day - to get over the hurt about not being able to afford to go, I told myself that it would have been hard anyway due to the social anxiety issue. Honestly, though, the hurt lingered for a long time even with my efforts to push it away.

This brings me back to my title question... what can we do about this issue? If you are a "have," you might not have even realized that we "have-nots" have had issues with times like the following (all of which I've experienced multiple times while going to many different churches):

- not having "church clothes" and so we feel like we can't go as often or participate as fully as others (one church I went to didn't allow jeans on stage - and since that's all I had at the time, I couldn't even think about becoming part of the worship team),

- not being able to go out to eat with others after church (an important time to really get to know people in many churches) because restaurants just aren't in the budget, 

- not having enough extra to participate in activities like retreats or church outings that cost money (and this happens a lot),

- not being able to afford buying a book or other needed supplies for a church group's book study,

- not having something like an iPad, which I needed to be on the worship team on my current church (I'm old-school and just print out my music but when something changes and I see those with iPads, fix it easily, it still hurts),

- not participating in get-togethers like small groups (often in the evening) or women's groups (often during the day) because of needing to work, 

- not having enough for your child to participate in activities like basketball, 

- not even not having the gas money to go to anything beyond the main church service (or sometimes even the Sunday morning service).

I understand both sides. The majority of the "haves" often worked really hard for what they have. I can see them justifying not helping those who don't.

But, on the other hand, the "have-nots" also often work hard. Circumstances or poor choices can land someone in major financial difficuties - situations that can take years to get out of, if they ever can. 

I try not to expect that scholarships are available for activities like a retreat, but I always hope they are - and am very grateful when it's an option. There are so many great experiences I've gotten to do because of the generousity of others.

However, should I expect that generousity? Isn't that one of the early ways that the early church showed that they were the church? At the end of Acts 2, the Bible talks about how they shared everything. Those who had more than enough - the "haves" - sold their excess and gave it to those who didn't - the "have nots." 

I know this wasn't the only factor that led to the last verse in the chapter, but I can't help but think it had a part - that more and more were being saved and added to the church daily. 

So... is it really hard like I started saying at the beginning of this post? Or is it really simple? If you have more than enough, give to those who don't. Period. 

Something I'll continue to think about...