The day after Thanksgiving... I always have regrets. Many people do. Most revolve around eating or drinking too much, or staying out too late, or spending more on Early Black Friday sales than they should.
I have regrets every year. Mine almost always involves thinking about how I failed at coping with the day and trying to think of ways to cope better next year. Sometimes the regrets do include how much food I ate or the kinds of food (ie - desserts), though since I'm not a huge fan of most Thanksgiving foods, I'm more likely to eat too much pizza than during a Thanksgiving meal.
Thanksgiving is a horrible day for someone with an eating disorder. Even though I'm technically not in recovery, as I haven't committed yet to working a program for food addicts, I know I'm close to making that decision. I'll be honest in that I actually plan to wait until Christmas is over to do so. I know that's not the smartest move, as one more month of literally feeding my addiction means I'll be even deeper into my addiction before I start to take steps, but I'm just not ready for such a big step at such a hard time of year.
That didn't keep me from thinking about how it will be different next year - and the rest of my life. The Thanksgiving foods that I do tend to eat are probably ones I'll have to avoid in recovery. I'm 99% sure that desserts will be out, even on holidays.
I went to a support group meeting this week and of course, they discussed Thanksgiving. It's probably the worst day of the year for most of those in recovery. The summary of the meeting was that the main thing to remember is that Thanksgiving needs to be more than about food - it needs to be about the people you share the holiday with.
Okay... that's a problem. I also have social anxiety disorder and bipolar disorder. To be frank, I eat because I don't want to be social. It's a way to cope. Yes, it's an unhealthy way, but it's the best way I know how in that situation. I also cope with social anxiety by bringing my camera and shooting the get-together, but most people don't like having their pictures made while eating, so I can't really do that then.
The bipolar disorder just means it's hard to plan for the day. If I'm manic, I tend to be better on the social anxiety front. However, most of the time, my mania is not the fun, euphoric kind. I almost always have dysphoric mania, which is basically anxiety mixed with mania. (Note... it's not a fun day at the beach). So if the anxiety is overwhelming the mania, I may talk to others but then I constantly worry that I sounded stupid with what I said. If I'm depressed, well, of course, it's hard to deal with people as it was just hard to get out of bed and get going. My depression also always includes at least a little anxiety too, so when I don't talk to others, I worry about the repercussions of not being social.
I am learning that my food tastes and habits change according to my bipolar cycles also. I literally have had the same food taste different depending on if I was depressed or manic. So that, of course, plays into a plan for attacking the "How to Cope on Thanksgiving" food issue.
I talked to one other person with an eating disorder who purposely shows up late so that she doesn't have to deal with the eating part of the day nearly as long. I thought that was a genius idea until I tried it... and realized that my ethic of being on time is so ingrained that I felt horrible for doing it. Maybe with time, I'll realize that putting my needs above the societal norms in this situation is the healthiest and best thing I can do for myself. I'll just have to work on it.
My family is well, family. Just like I do, they have both good and bad traits. But for various reasons, I don't feel I can talk about my mental health and addiction issues with my family. I know for a fact that they don't understand or really care to try to. Family gatherings are one of the places I feel very stigmatized.
I am thankful I now have my very supportive boyfriend there with me because in the past I always handled it alone. But even with him being there, I still felt like I need to apologize for my existence. I know that I have these mental illnesses which makes me not a lot of fun at parties... I know they aren't my fault. But I'm still learning how to handle it when I know this but no-one else does - and they all blame me for being a downer.
No matter what, I'm glad it's over. I know I handled it badly... I was moody and I'm sure I wasn't fun to be around until later in the afternoon, after I got my camera out, ironically. (It honestly didn't help that I woke up with a horrible headache; I can't shake this cold I've had for weeks; and that I felt generally cruddy when I got there, but I shouldn't have let all that rule my day.) I guess at this point I need to just know that there's nothing I can do to change yesterday and to hopefully remember some of this when it comes to Thanksgiving 2020.
Friday, November 29, 2019
Sunday, November 24, 2019
A New Diagnosis... and Hope
I have mentioned my daughter on this blog several times. I have several mental and physical issues that I deal with... my daughter has more. She has fibromyalgia, dysautonomia, generalized anxiety disorder, major depressive disorder, and has a few addictions. This semester at school has just about taken her out. It has been very difficult for her to deal with, to say the least. But Friday something happened to give us hope...
Her old rheumatologist was a wonderful woman and we are thankful for her helping us figure out what was going on. However, she is pretty old-school and has resigned herself to saying that there's nothing that can be done for the pain of fibromyalgia, except for narcotics, which she won't give to a young person, especially one with a history of addiction.
This all makes sense but when my daughter is in so much pain she can't make it to class AGAIN, I always have to wonder if there is the possibility of something else out there that could help her.
Well, after the debacle of trying to make it through this semester, I became determined to find someone who could at least attempt some type of intervention for her pain. I asked around for recommendations (and was pretty discouraged by hearing that most people weren't getting help). However, there were a few doctors that I heard about that I thought we could try.
The first one not only seemed promising, he was in my area of town. So we did all of the work to get a referral sent to him by her primary and then we tried to make an appointment. Many messages were left before we finally found out they don't even treat fibromyalgia. So it was back to square one.
Another round of trying to figure out which doctor we wanted to try. I settled on one, made sure insurance covered his office, and then got another referral. Most rheumatologists have a several month wait for an initial appointment, so I wasn't holding my breath that she would be seen before the end of the year. I was wrong.
My initial call for an appointment was I think last Tuesday. I about fell out of my chair when I heard the receptionist say that someone had canceled and there was an appointment available this past Friday. WHAT?! I was so excited.
It was a relatively early morning appointment, which is really hard for my daughter right now, but I told her I would drive so that all she had to do was get up and put clothes on and stumble to the car. So Friday morning arrived and we left.
It was hard to find the office and it had been there awhile - it had that tired look about it. On the surface, I wondered if this was the best choice. But then my daughter noticed some of his awards - things like "Best Doctor in 20..." He had received many. I again had hope that maybe this could be good.
My daughter went back for vitals but then came back out into the waiting room. I had read some reviews and they all said the wait was long but was worth it, so I was prepared for that. It was long - but oh, it was so worth it.
We finally got back to a room and the doctor came in. He was older and seemed nice. He sat down at the desk in the room and started asking my daughter questions. It wasn't like an interrogation - more like a get-to-know-you kind of thing - but the questions seemed pretty random. He never mentioned her current conditions or asked about her pain.
After maybe 3-5 of these seemingly random questions, he opened a desk drawer and rifled through some papers. He pulled one out and handed it to us to read. It was a condition neither of us had ever heard of and a list of symptoms/associated diseases.
He went back to asking questions but we could see he was asking about the items on the list. She either had almost every item or had something similar. It was so strange because many of them didn't seem to be related.
So she has a new diagnosis: "Joint Hypermobility Syndrome". It really doesn't tell us much as far as treatment goes, but it's interesting how all of these unrelated aspects of her health actually go together.
So that was interesting but the information given really didn't tell us what could be done to help her go back to school without major pain.
Then he said the words we both had been wanting to hear but didn't think we ever would... "I have something that should help."
I almost fell out of my chair. What?! There's a medicine that will actually help her? While he talked I didn't know what to do - part of me wanted to cry with relief, another part wanted to shout, another wanted to get up and dance. I ended up just sitting there with tears in my eyes, listening.
He explained that there's a non-narcotic pain reliever that works for those with fibromyalgia at really low doses for some reason. It is a compounded medicine so insurance won't cover it, but it's not that expensive. Most big chain pharmacies don't compound medicines but thankfully the local one we use does.
We weren't able to get the prescription turned in until the end of the day Friday and they don't do compounding on Saturday so tomorrow is the earliest we can pick it up. Over the weekend, the doubts began... what if it works for most people with fibromyalgia but not with her? But I worked really hard to quelch those doubts and hope. It will take a few weeks because you start on a low dosage and move up, but maybe, just maybe, it'll work and she'll start to be able to actually live without pain.
Her old rheumatologist was a wonderful woman and we are thankful for her helping us figure out what was going on. However, she is pretty old-school and has resigned herself to saying that there's nothing that can be done for the pain of fibromyalgia, except for narcotics, which she won't give to a young person, especially one with a history of addiction.
This all makes sense but when my daughter is in so much pain she can't make it to class AGAIN, I always have to wonder if there is the possibility of something else out there that could help her.
Well, after the debacle of trying to make it through this semester, I became determined to find someone who could at least attempt some type of intervention for her pain. I asked around for recommendations (and was pretty discouraged by hearing that most people weren't getting help). However, there were a few doctors that I heard about that I thought we could try.
The first one not only seemed promising, he was in my area of town. So we did all of the work to get a referral sent to him by her primary and then we tried to make an appointment. Many messages were left before we finally found out they don't even treat fibromyalgia. So it was back to square one.
Another round of trying to figure out which doctor we wanted to try. I settled on one, made sure insurance covered his office, and then got another referral. Most rheumatologists have a several month wait for an initial appointment, so I wasn't holding my breath that she would be seen before the end of the year. I was wrong.
My initial call for an appointment was I think last Tuesday. I about fell out of my chair when I heard the receptionist say that someone had canceled and there was an appointment available this past Friday. WHAT?! I was so excited.
It was a relatively early morning appointment, which is really hard for my daughter right now, but I told her I would drive so that all she had to do was get up and put clothes on and stumble to the car. So Friday morning arrived and we left.
It was hard to find the office and it had been there awhile - it had that tired look about it. On the surface, I wondered if this was the best choice. But then my daughter noticed some of his awards - things like "Best Doctor in 20..." He had received many. I again had hope that maybe this could be good.
My daughter went back for vitals but then came back out into the waiting room. I had read some reviews and they all said the wait was long but was worth it, so I was prepared for that. It was long - but oh, it was so worth it.
We finally got back to a room and the doctor came in. He was older and seemed nice. He sat down at the desk in the room and started asking my daughter questions. It wasn't like an interrogation - more like a get-to-know-you kind of thing - but the questions seemed pretty random. He never mentioned her current conditions or asked about her pain.
After maybe 3-5 of these seemingly random questions, he opened a desk drawer and rifled through some papers. He pulled one out and handed it to us to read. It was a condition neither of us had ever heard of and a list of symptoms/associated diseases.
He went back to asking questions but we could see he was asking about the items on the list. She either had almost every item or had something similar. It was so strange because many of them didn't seem to be related.
So she has a new diagnosis: "Joint Hypermobility Syndrome". It really doesn't tell us much as far as treatment goes, but it's interesting how all of these unrelated aspects of her health actually go together.
So that was interesting but the information given really didn't tell us what could be done to help her go back to school without major pain.
Then he said the words we both had been wanting to hear but didn't think we ever would... "I have something that should help."
I almost fell out of my chair. What?! There's a medicine that will actually help her? While he talked I didn't know what to do - part of me wanted to cry with relief, another part wanted to shout, another wanted to get up and dance. I ended up just sitting there with tears in my eyes, listening.
He explained that there's a non-narcotic pain reliever that works for those with fibromyalgia at really low doses for some reason. It is a compounded medicine so insurance won't cover it, but it's not that expensive. Most big chain pharmacies don't compound medicines but thankfully the local one we use does.
We weren't able to get the prescription turned in until the end of the day Friday and they don't do compounding on Saturday so tomorrow is the earliest we can pick it up. Over the weekend, the doubts began... what if it works for most people with fibromyalgia but not with her? But I worked really hard to quelch those doubts and hope. It will take a few weeks because you start on a low dosage and move up, but maybe, just maybe, it'll work and she'll start to be able to actually live without pain.
Monday, November 18, 2019
When Those You Love are Hurting
I write this blog from both the perspective as someone who deals with these things personally and as someone who has several loved ones who also deal with these issues. Right now the latter is tearing me up inside.
My daughter has several health issues - mental and physical. As anyone who deals with these issues knows, the mental makes the physical worse and vice versa. In other words, anxiety from an anxiety disorder can cause physical pain. If you already have a condition that causes pain, like fibromyalgia, add anxiety to the mix and it's a lot to deal with.
She is currently in college and was hoping to do something really special next semester - one of her big dreams. However, this semester has been truly horrible for her.
Right before the semester started, she hurt her back badly - so badly we thought for a while that she would need surgery. Instead she "just" needed physical therapy 2x-3x a week by a specialist in this type of injury... and the only one in our area was over 30 minutes each way from our home.
Due to fibromyalgia and dysautonomia that she deals with, mornings are very hard for her in the best of circumstances. Given her extreme back pain on top of it and having to take time for physical therapy and... let's just say that she started off already behind in her classes this year, missing many classes and being in so much pain she couldn't concentrate on schoolwork.
As soon as she started getting behind, the stress started mounting. The added pressure of getting ready for the study abroad experience she has hoped for years she would be able to do added stress, which increased the pain and symptoms of her health issues. Then the pain increased her stress. You can see where this is going...
She has stumbled along, fighting with everything in her, to even barely make it through this semester. Even with all of the work she has done, her grades right now are pitiful. She's an A/B student and it's entirely possible she'll fail, even though she's worked her tail off.
It's...
Just...
Not...
Fair...
Due to miscommunication, not caring, or just not understanding, her professors this semester have added to the struggle by not following her accommodations that were already set in place. Her medications aren't the right ones, or aren't enough, but she's been struggling so much to deal with school that she hasn't been able to focus on getting those corrected.
I have been stressed and hurting along with her. It's been a real roller-coaster ride - where we thought she would get to go and then something would happen that would put a kink in the works. Then that would work out and we could get excited only to have another kink. I can't tell you how many times this has happened this semester concerning this experience.
So last Friday she finally committed to going no matter what. I got in high gear and finally started on all of the many details that we have been planning but were waiting for a final confirmation before we actually started doing.
Then everything changed.
I don't want to go into detail on how it happened but Friday afternoon she realized that even though she can go, it just might not be the best thing for her to go. Because I know how much she's wanted to go, I know I've pushed her, probably more than I should have. I thought that if she could just make it there, everything would somehow be okay.
With this realization, I felt like my heart was being torn out (because it's all about me, right?) Really, I just hurt so much for her, knowing that this dream could come to an end because of these stupid diseases that we just can't get a handle on. Co-dependent? Of course, I am. I'm a momma. When she hurts, I hurt. Maybe one day I'll get healthy and get boundaries and be able to handle it better when she hurts. But for now - I'm a basket-case.
I have been all weekend. I was already in a low cycle with my bipolar disorder and can't seem to get rid of this stupid cough, which exhausts me on top of my regular always-tired feeling. So I especially haven't been in a place where I could separate myself from her pain this weekend. But feeling her pain isn't helpful because I couldn't take it away... she was hurting too. And I know there's nothing I can do about it.
Sometimes I get so bitter about the fact that my little girl can't just be a regular college kid. She has to put so much energy into just getting through life, she has nothing left for fun. But even with all that, she gets lumped into a group with the college kids who just party and don't care about class... I know that's at least a partial factor on why her professors don't cut her more slack.
Anyway, today we gave up. She hasn't made the final decision, but it looks like she is going to ask for incompletes this semester because trying to get everything done before finals is stressing her out so much that we are seriously worried about her possibly having a complete breakdown. Then most likely she is going to take the next semester off from college completely, to get her health straightened out.
With this plan, the hope is that she will go back to her current college next fall and will be able to attempt again to do the study abroad experience the next spring. This will put her a year behind on graduating from college, but she will still get to fulfill her dream.
I wish so much that I could just fix it - make it all go away. In the meantime, even though I fail more than I succeed, I'm going to keep trying to be supportive of both her health needs and her dreams... and try my best not to let the supporting her dreams get in the way of her health.
My daughter has several health issues - mental and physical. As anyone who deals with these issues knows, the mental makes the physical worse and vice versa. In other words, anxiety from an anxiety disorder can cause physical pain. If you already have a condition that causes pain, like fibromyalgia, add anxiety to the mix and it's a lot to deal with.
She is currently in college and was hoping to do something really special next semester - one of her big dreams. However, this semester has been truly horrible for her.
Right before the semester started, she hurt her back badly - so badly we thought for a while that she would need surgery. Instead she "just" needed physical therapy 2x-3x a week by a specialist in this type of injury... and the only one in our area was over 30 minutes each way from our home.
Due to fibromyalgia and dysautonomia that she deals with, mornings are very hard for her in the best of circumstances. Given her extreme back pain on top of it and having to take time for physical therapy and... let's just say that she started off already behind in her classes this year, missing many classes and being in so much pain she couldn't concentrate on schoolwork.
As soon as she started getting behind, the stress started mounting. The added pressure of getting ready for the study abroad experience she has hoped for years she would be able to do added stress, which increased the pain and symptoms of her health issues. Then the pain increased her stress. You can see where this is going...
She has stumbled along, fighting with everything in her, to even barely make it through this semester. Even with all of the work she has done, her grades right now are pitiful. She's an A/B student and it's entirely possible she'll fail, even though she's worked her tail off.
It's...
Just...
Not...
Fair...
Due to miscommunication, not caring, or just not understanding, her professors this semester have added to the struggle by not following her accommodations that were already set in place. Her medications aren't the right ones, or aren't enough, but she's been struggling so much to deal with school that she hasn't been able to focus on getting those corrected.
I have been stressed and hurting along with her. It's been a real roller-coaster ride - where we thought she would get to go and then something would happen that would put a kink in the works. Then that would work out and we could get excited only to have another kink. I can't tell you how many times this has happened this semester concerning this experience.
So last Friday she finally committed to going no matter what. I got in high gear and finally started on all of the many details that we have been planning but were waiting for a final confirmation before we actually started doing.
Then everything changed.
I don't want to go into detail on how it happened but Friday afternoon she realized that even though she can go, it just might not be the best thing for her to go. Because I know how much she's wanted to go, I know I've pushed her, probably more than I should have. I thought that if she could just make it there, everything would somehow be okay.
With this realization, I felt like my heart was being torn out (because it's all about me, right?) Really, I just hurt so much for her, knowing that this dream could come to an end because of these stupid diseases that we just can't get a handle on. Co-dependent? Of course, I am. I'm a momma. When she hurts, I hurt. Maybe one day I'll get healthy and get boundaries and be able to handle it better when she hurts. But for now - I'm a basket-case.
I have been all weekend. I was already in a low cycle with my bipolar disorder and can't seem to get rid of this stupid cough, which exhausts me on top of my regular always-tired feeling. So I especially haven't been in a place where I could separate myself from her pain this weekend. But feeling her pain isn't helpful because I couldn't take it away... she was hurting too. And I know there's nothing I can do about it.
Sometimes I get so bitter about the fact that my little girl can't just be a regular college kid. She has to put so much energy into just getting through life, she has nothing left for fun. But even with all that, she gets lumped into a group with the college kids who just party and don't care about class... I know that's at least a partial factor on why her professors don't cut her more slack.
Anyway, today we gave up. She hasn't made the final decision, but it looks like she is going to ask for incompletes this semester because trying to get everything done before finals is stressing her out so much that we are seriously worried about her possibly having a complete breakdown. Then most likely she is going to take the next semester off from college completely, to get her health straightened out.
With this plan, the hope is that she will go back to her current college next fall and will be able to attempt again to do the study abroad experience the next spring. This will put her a year behind on graduating from college, but she will still get to fulfill her dream.
I wish so much that I could just fix it - make it all go away. In the meantime, even though I fail more than I succeed, I'm going to keep trying to be supportive of both her health needs and her dreams... and try my best not to let the supporting her dreams get in the way of her health.
Saturday, November 16, 2019
Failure?
It's been a very busy few weeks. I'm a professional photographer and when the work is there, I have to take it. Who knows when I'll get another job? In the past two weeks, I have been blasted with work, which is a good problem except that I totally wore myself out and got sick. I've had a bad cold for the past week and it continued through a massive 3-day out-of-town shoot I had earlier this week. When I got back home I hit the bed and haven't been out of it much since.
Today I decided I wanted to get out of the house. I really don't think I'm contagious and my coughing is at a minimum, especially when I'm sitting up, so I wasn't worried about infecting anyone. So I decided to go to a social activity I've been looking forward to attending for a few weeks.
Background... One of the things I've been doing lately is learning sign language. This is something I've been trying to learn since I was probably about 10 years old but for various reasons have never been able to get fluent. Even though this is an extremely busy time of my life, I found a wonderful (and free 😉) ASL -American Sign Language - class at a local church and it's been so much fun finally being able to feel confident enough to talk to those who are deaf.
Recently I started attending the Deaf Church held at the same location as the classes. So far I love it. It's small and the people are very friendly and extremely patient with my bungling ASL. Well, this church was invited to eat Thanksgiving dinner with another Deaf Church in the area and I was told they would love for me to come too.
It was today. Actually, it's still going on.
Obviously... I'm not there.
I went. I'm proud of myself for going. My boyfriend was supposed to go with me but he had something else he had committed to that he remembered at the last minute. I thought I had met enough people from the Deaf Church that I would be okay going by myself.
But when I got there and saw not one person I knew, it was too much. I hid in another room for about 30 minutes while I texted a couple of those I had numbers for and tried to get my courage up enough to go in. When one said she wasn't going to make it and the other didn't answer, I decided I couldn't do it and left.
This has happened before - it's not just because it was a group of people with whom I would have to work at communication. Two times come to mind: 1 - I went alone to a Christmas party with people who had been dear friends for years. I don't know what triggered it, but I ended up hiding in an unused room so that I could cry and be alone until I got up the courage to leave. 2 - I went alone to a Women's Conference that I had heard wonderful things about. I did okay for the sessions because I could sneak into the back and just listen, but when it came time for lunch, I couldn't make myself walk into the room and sit with a table of strangers. I had a small panic attack in a side room before the main eating area started to clear out and then I was able to go in and eat.
The obvious common denominator of these 3 instances is that I went alone. However, it's happened before if I've been with someone. So that isn't it.
I realized about 10 years ago that I have social anxiety disorder. When I read the description it explained so much! But at the time I remember wondering why there were those times that I was almost paralyzed with fear in a social situation and why other times I was okay. (I was never "great", but I could hold my own in some instances.)
About 6 months ago I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. After learning more about the characteristics... Mind blown! So much more made sense at this point, like an answer to the "why" in the above scenario.
Back to today... not only am I in a low cycle with the bipolar (in other words, depressed) but I also am coming off a physical state of exhaustion from illness and overwork. I knew this when making the decision to go. My desire to get out of the house and try to be social overcame my fear of it not going well.
So maybe it's not actually a failure. Yes, I wasn't able to stay. Yes, I ended up in a room by myself crying when others were socializing. Yes, I drove 30 minutes there only to turn around and drive 30 minutes back home without getting to use my ASL skills, learn more signs, or meet some wonderful people (and possibly even have fun).
But I did go. I didn't stay in bed and worry about whether I could do it or not. I wasn't paralyzed before even getting out of the door (which has also happened in the past). So even though the day wasn't exactly the success I had hoped for, calling it a failure isn't right either. It's just one more step in getting better... and that's okay.
Today I decided I wanted to get out of the house. I really don't think I'm contagious and my coughing is at a minimum, especially when I'm sitting up, so I wasn't worried about infecting anyone. So I decided to go to a social activity I've been looking forward to attending for a few weeks.
Background... One of the things I've been doing lately is learning sign language. This is something I've been trying to learn since I was probably about 10 years old but for various reasons have never been able to get fluent. Even though this is an extremely busy time of my life, I found a wonderful (and free 😉) ASL -American Sign Language - class at a local church and it's been so much fun finally being able to feel confident enough to talk to those who are deaf.
Recently I started attending the Deaf Church held at the same location as the classes. So far I love it. It's small and the people are very friendly and extremely patient with my bungling ASL. Well, this church was invited to eat Thanksgiving dinner with another Deaf Church in the area and I was told they would love for me to come too.
It was today. Actually, it's still going on.
Obviously... I'm not there.
I went. I'm proud of myself for going. My boyfriend was supposed to go with me but he had something else he had committed to that he remembered at the last minute. I thought I had met enough people from the Deaf Church that I would be okay going by myself.
But when I got there and saw not one person I knew, it was too much. I hid in another room for about 30 minutes while I texted a couple of those I had numbers for and tried to get my courage up enough to go in. When one said she wasn't going to make it and the other didn't answer, I decided I couldn't do it and left.
This has happened before - it's not just because it was a group of people with whom I would have to work at communication. Two times come to mind: 1 - I went alone to a Christmas party with people who had been dear friends for years. I don't know what triggered it, but I ended up hiding in an unused room so that I could cry and be alone until I got up the courage to leave. 2 - I went alone to a Women's Conference that I had heard wonderful things about. I did okay for the sessions because I could sneak into the back and just listen, but when it came time for lunch, I couldn't make myself walk into the room and sit with a table of strangers. I had a small panic attack in a side room before the main eating area started to clear out and then I was able to go in and eat.
The obvious common denominator of these 3 instances is that I went alone. However, it's happened before if I've been with someone. So that isn't it.
I realized about 10 years ago that I have social anxiety disorder. When I read the description it explained so much! But at the time I remember wondering why there were those times that I was almost paralyzed with fear in a social situation and why other times I was okay. (I was never "great", but I could hold my own in some instances.)
About 6 months ago I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. After learning more about the characteristics... Mind blown! So much more made sense at this point, like an answer to the "why" in the above scenario.
Back to today... not only am I in a low cycle with the bipolar (in other words, depressed) but I also am coming off a physical state of exhaustion from illness and overwork. I knew this when making the decision to go. My desire to get out of the house and try to be social overcame my fear of it not going well.
So maybe it's not actually a failure. Yes, I wasn't able to stay. Yes, I ended up in a room by myself crying when others were socializing. Yes, I drove 30 minutes there only to turn around and drive 30 minutes back home without getting to use my ASL skills, learn more signs, or meet some wonderful people (and possibly even have fun).
But I did go. I didn't stay in bed and worry about whether I could do it or not. I wasn't paralyzed before even getting out of the door (which has also happened in the past). So even though the day wasn't exactly the success I had hoped for, calling it a failure isn't right either. It's just one more step in getting better... and that's okay.
Thursday, October 31, 2019
What a Wonderful Day!
I wrote this in 2004 when I was living in Tennessee. It's a very busy time in my life right now so I thought I'd post something that was very important to me, even though it was a long time ago.
Saturday evening...
Wow. Now that I'm back home it's hard to believe that it really happened. I went on my first hike in years! It was so hard but so wonderful. I wrote this stuff in my journal so that I would be able to remember this day and I'm pasting it here for your reading edification. :)
Get a snack, go to the bathroom, get settled in a comfy chair - it's not short - but I think the time that God provided for me today is so great that I just had to share...
The views of the river and the mountains on the way there were so beautiful! I will have to go back; it was prettier there than in the Smokies.
I originally was going to go on the hike and then meet my best friend to spend the rest of the afternoon with her. When I finally realized it just wasn't possible to finish in time to meet her, my phone had no service. Just a few minutes later (after I said, "Please, God"), my phone had service. So I was able to call her and tell her that I wouldn't be able to make it (which allowed me to not worry about rushing).
I originally missed the trailhead and ended up going over the North Carolina border (this was not amazing or profound, but was interesting - I went to another state today!)
Right after I finally found the trail I looked ahead and saw that the way was blocked by some fallen trees. It was really tempting to just leave, but I decided to push through. (This was a theme throughout the entire hike). It wasn't difficult once I got there to climb over the trees.
I started out so excited and super-confident in my ability to make it - especially after I "overcame" the trees. At first, the trail was easy... level... mostly beaten down. I went through an area of complete silence - the only thing I could hear was the rustling of the trees. I saw a patch of rhododendrons that had to be 20-30 feet high. Once I saw a beam of sunlight not far off the path; I felt the urge of the Lord to go and stand in it. It was scary to sept off of the path but it was no neat to look up through that virgin (according to my guidebook) forest and see the sun through the one hole the trees allowed. It was like twilight on most of the path - except for those patches of sunlight that would pop up occasionally.
Not long after stepping off the path, the trail began to get harder, steeper, with more mossy, slippery rocks and roots. I was probably a 1/3 of a mile in by this time. There was mud in the trail that I had to work around and sometimes just had to step in. I had to go under a tree and over another one that was blocking the path.
Then about halfway in it got really difficult. It got so steep that I was terrified (I'm scared of heights). God kept reminding me that He would take care of me, but I kept thinking about falling and hurting myself so much that I wouldn't be able to make it back to the van. But I had peace and kept going. I said out loud, "I need a walking stick." And right then I looked down and saw one that had been discarded by someone (I hadn't seen it before). I was still scared but I decided to go down this really steep part. When I looked at the path ahead, I literally couldn't see a way to get down certain parts of it. But as I walked, with each step I took I could see how to get through the next part.
I walked through streams, where I had the thought/fear that I would slip and soak my shoes, making walking the rest of the trail very difficult. But my feet stayed sure on the rocks in the streams. I did slip once but it wasn't in one of the streams and I didn't fall; I was able to catch myself with my walking stick.
- I finally made it to where I could hear the falls. I was getting weak by this point and decided I had better take a break. I ate my crackers and drank part of my water, and finally made myself get up - after all, it was just around the corner (or so I thought). But instead around the corner was the steepest part of the trail yet. I could not see a way to do it. However, I had come too far to go back. It took all my resolve but I started. I had to use the walking stick as a balance point and halfway down I broke it. At first, I started to panic (how would I ever finish without the stick?!), but then I realized that it broke at just the right place to become an even better height for me. So I made it down that steep part - to a place where I could see the falls.
I was so disappointed. The "Falls" that I had walked so far to see was just some water trickling through some rocks. I took a few pictures and then took a drink of water before heading back. As I took the drink I looked up... and saw the Falls. They are so beautiful! I then realized that the trail continued to the real viewpoint that I had read about in my guidebook. but I had to cross a large stream that flowed from the base of the falls. I really debated with God about continuing! I was very tired by this point and even after I made it over this stream, I would have to go up an area that was as steep as I had just made it down. I felt God say, "Go," so I finally decided to go. Even though this point was not the base of the falls, I got a great view of them from there (one day I'm going to go back when I'm more prepared and can make it the entire way to the base of the falls.) I took more pictures and chilled out for a minute.
I saw another group of hikers at the falls. (I had suspected there was another group on the trail but I wasn't sure). When I noticed that they were getting ready to leave, I started back. I knew I was pretty tired and a tad dizzy and I didn't want to be behind them (just in case I did fall, I wanted them to come upon me). I pushed myself too hard... going down the steep part was hard, but going back up was even harder, especially as weak as I was getting. I had to take frequent breaks and when I felt the Lord say, "Rest", I would rest. (Something I realized about myself, though - I had to take a few more steps and reach another goal int he path ahead before I could really rest. I'm going to have to work on obeying immediately, even if "my goal" isn't met.) This group did pass me, but just as they did, another group passed heading towards the falls. So I knew I could slow down my pace and not worry about being completely by myself.
The trail back seemed so much longer than the trail there. Like I said, I had to rest a lot. It was scarier too because I was a little lightheaded at this point. But what choice did I have? I could make it back or sit down and quit (not really an option). So I made it, one step at a time. One thing that was really wild was that when I finally did make it back to the first half)the level, somewhat beaten down part), it was really hard to walk! I was so used to stepping up or down that I could hardly walk on a level path. I finally made it back to the rhododendrons, then the trees that I had to go over and under, then the trailhead. I MADE IT!!!
I shared this lengthy novella because God's provision was so wonderful. He is so faithful! He led me to do something I've desired to do for a long time, gave me the time and strength to do it, and provided during the process. At the risk of super-spiritualizing everything, God did show me some really great truths:
- That the whole "one step at a time" bit isn't just a cute idea. I wouldn't see how I could walk on the path ahead of me until I got up to the hard place - and then EVERY TIME there was a way - over, under, around, through...
- That sometimes I have to step off of the beaten path in order to stand in the light...
- That God will provide extra help when I need it (my walking stick). And even if something about that help needs to be broken or changed, it will still be enough.
- That it's easy to think that I've made it to the end and assume that what I first see is all there is (when I thought the falls were nothing but a small drop-off in the stream). But then when I looked up, I was able to see something spectacular.
- That I can make it through a really difficult path and then have the easy part be as hard because I'm having to compensate differently because I'm already tired of "conquering" the hard stuff. I had to adjust myself for the path and just continue walking (the flat end of the trail where I could hardly walk).
- But mostly God showed me that I can make it through something that is too much for me to handle on my own (I now realize I really wasn't in shape to do this) WITH the Lord's help, guidance, and encouragement. he cares about my desires and He fulfills them! Isn't He a wonderful God?!
Sorry to sermonize. This has been one of the most awesome days of my life and I just really wanted to share. May God with you on His paths in order for you to see something spectacular!
Saturday evening...
Wow. Now that I'm back home it's hard to believe that it really happened. I went on my first hike in years! It was so hard but so wonderful. I wrote this stuff in my journal so that I would be able to remember this day and I'm pasting it here for your reading edification. :)
Get a snack, go to the bathroom, get settled in a comfy chair - it's not short - but I think the time that God provided for me today is so great that I just had to share...
The views of the river and the mountains on the way there were so beautiful! I will have to go back; it was prettier there than in the Smokies.
I originally was going to go on the hike and then meet my best friend to spend the rest of the afternoon with her. When I finally realized it just wasn't possible to finish in time to meet her, my phone had no service. Just a few minutes later (after I said, "Please, God"), my phone had service. So I was able to call her and tell her that I wouldn't be able to make it (which allowed me to not worry about rushing).
I originally missed the trailhead and ended up going over the North Carolina border (this was not amazing or profound, but was interesting - I went to another state today!)
Right after I finally found the trail I looked ahead and saw that the way was blocked by some fallen trees. It was really tempting to just leave, but I decided to push through. (This was a theme throughout the entire hike). It wasn't difficult once I got there to climb over the trees.
I started out so excited and super-confident in my ability to make it - especially after I "overcame" the trees. At first, the trail was easy... level... mostly beaten down. I went through an area of complete silence - the only thing I could hear was the rustling of the trees. I saw a patch of rhododendrons that had to be 20-30 feet high. Once I saw a beam of sunlight not far off the path; I felt the urge of the Lord to go and stand in it. It was scary to sept off of the path but it was no neat to look up through that virgin (according to my guidebook) forest and see the sun through the one hole the trees allowed. It was like twilight on most of the path - except for those patches of sunlight that would pop up occasionally.
Not long after stepping off the path, the trail began to get harder, steeper, with more mossy, slippery rocks and roots. I was probably a 1/3 of a mile in by this time. There was mud in the trail that I had to work around and sometimes just had to step in. I had to go under a tree and over another one that was blocking the path.
Then about halfway in it got really difficult. It got so steep that I was terrified (I'm scared of heights). God kept reminding me that He would take care of me, but I kept thinking about falling and hurting myself so much that I wouldn't be able to make it back to the van. But I had peace and kept going. I said out loud, "I need a walking stick." And right then I looked down and saw one that had been discarded by someone (I hadn't seen it before). I was still scared but I decided to go down this really steep part. When I looked at the path ahead, I literally couldn't see a way to get down certain parts of it. But as I walked, with each step I took I could see how to get through the next part.
I walked through streams, where I had the thought/fear that I would slip and soak my shoes, making walking the rest of the trail very difficult. But my feet stayed sure on the rocks in the streams. I did slip once but it wasn't in one of the streams and I didn't fall; I was able to catch myself with my walking stick.
- I finally made it to where I could hear the falls. I was getting weak by this point and decided I had better take a break. I ate my crackers and drank part of my water, and finally made myself get up - after all, it was just around the corner (or so I thought). But instead around the corner was the steepest part of the trail yet. I could not see a way to do it. However, I had come too far to go back. It took all my resolve but I started. I had to use the walking stick as a balance point and halfway down I broke it. At first, I started to panic (how would I ever finish without the stick?!), but then I realized that it broke at just the right place to become an even better height for me. So I made it down that steep part - to a place where I could see the falls.
I was so disappointed. The "Falls" that I had walked so far to see was just some water trickling through some rocks. I took a few pictures and then took a drink of water before heading back. As I took the drink I looked up... and saw the Falls. They are so beautiful! I then realized that the trail continued to the real viewpoint that I had read about in my guidebook. but I had to cross a large stream that flowed from the base of the falls. I really debated with God about continuing! I was very tired by this point and even after I made it over this stream, I would have to go up an area that was as steep as I had just made it down. I felt God say, "Go," so I finally decided to go. Even though this point was not the base of the falls, I got a great view of them from there (one day I'm going to go back when I'm more prepared and can make it the entire way to the base of the falls.) I took more pictures and chilled out for a minute.
I saw another group of hikers at the falls. (I had suspected there was another group on the trail but I wasn't sure). When I noticed that they were getting ready to leave, I started back. I knew I was pretty tired and a tad dizzy and I didn't want to be behind them (just in case I did fall, I wanted them to come upon me). I pushed myself too hard... going down the steep part was hard, but going back up was even harder, especially as weak as I was getting. I had to take frequent breaks and when I felt the Lord say, "Rest", I would rest. (Something I realized about myself, though - I had to take a few more steps and reach another goal int he path ahead before I could really rest. I'm going to have to work on obeying immediately, even if "my goal" isn't met.) This group did pass me, but just as they did, another group passed heading towards the falls. So I knew I could slow down my pace and not worry about being completely by myself.
The trail back seemed so much longer than the trail there. Like I said, I had to rest a lot. It was scarier too because I was a little lightheaded at this point. But what choice did I have? I could make it back or sit down and quit (not really an option). So I made it, one step at a time. One thing that was really wild was that when I finally did make it back to the first half)the level, somewhat beaten down part), it was really hard to walk! I was so used to stepping up or down that I could hardly walk on a level path. I finally made it back to the rhododendrons, then the trees that I had to go over and under, then the trailhead. I MADE IT!!!
I shared this lengthy novella because God's provision was so wonderful. He is so faithful! He led me to do something I've desired to do for a long time, gave me the time and strength to do it, and provided during the process. At the risk of super-spiritualizing everything, God did show me some really great truths:
- That the whole "one step at a time" bit isn't just a cute idea. I wouldn't see how I could walk on the path ahead of me until I got up to the hard place - and then EVERY TIME there was a way - over, under, around, through...
- That sometimes I have to step off of the beaten path in order to stand in the light...
- That God will provide extra help when I need it (my walking stick). And even if something about that help needs to be broken or changed, it will still be enough.
- That it's easy to think that I've made it to the end and assume that what I first see is all there is (when I thought the falls were nothing but a small drop-off in the stream). But then when I looked up, I was able to see something spectacular.
- That I can make it through a really difficult path and then have the easy part be as hard because I'm having to compensate differently because I'm already tired of "conquering" the hard stuff. I had to adjust myself for the path and just continue walking (the flat end of the trail where I could hardly walk).
- But mostly God showed me that I can make it through something that is too much for me to handle on my own (I now realize I really wasn't in shape to do this) WITH the Lord's help, guidance, and encouragement. he cares about my desires and He fulfills them! Isn't He a wonderful God?!
Sorry to sermonize. This has been one of the most awesome days of my life and I just really wanted to share. May God with you on His paths in order for you to see something spectacular!
Wednesday, October 16, 2019
To All of the Professors and Teachers of Those with Invisible Illnesses:
I know that, overall, you are compassionate people and really do try. You chose to work with young adults. I don't think that you chose teaching just because you like kicking people when they are down. I'm sure you feel you are doing the best thing for everyone when you don't honor a student's accommodations so that you can "be fair" to the other students.
But there are some things you may not realize.
You may not believe that these students have actual medical conditions because when you see them, you are usually seeing them at their best - on the days they are able to make it to class and get their work done. There are many medical and psychological conditions that are cyclical. A student might be fine for a month or more and then have a flare-up that's so bad she can hardly get out of bed. Just because a condition isn't there 100% of the time doesn't make it not real.
You also may not realize that often those with invisible illnesses are great actors. They work hard to cover-up the fact that they feel bad. So even when they do make it to class, they might be fighting a huge internal battle just to make it through the class time and learn something - and it's possible you would never know how hard they were struggling while sitting right in front of you.
It's easy to think that someone who consistently is late to class or doesn't show up is lazy. There are many students who are. High school and college kids ditch class all of the time. You probably think your strict attendance policy is to help them show up.
But for those who have diagnosed mental, physical, or mental and physical issues, it's a totally different ball game.
If you find out that you have a chronic condition that even doctors don't fully understand or can fix when you are a teen or young adult, it makes this already difficult time of life much, much harder to navigate. This age group doesn't have the life experience to know how to navigate the medical system; in fact, many don't know how to make a doctor appointment on their own.
But there are some things you may not realize.
You may not believe that these students have actual medical conditions because when you see them, you are usually seeing them at their best - on the days they are able to make it to class and get their work done. There are many medical and psychological conditions that are cyclical. A student might be fine for a month or more and then have a flare-up that's so bad she can hardly get out of bed. Just because a condition isn't there 100% of the time doesn't make it not real.
You also may not realize that often those with invisible illnesses are great actors. They work hard to cover-up the fact that they feel bad. So even when they do make it to class, they might be fighting a huge internal battle just to make it through the class time and learn something - and it's possible you would never know how hard they were struggling while sitting right in front of you.
It's easy to think that someone who consistently is late to class or doesn't show up is lazy. There are many students who are. High school and college kids ditch class all of the time. You probably think your strict attendance policy is to help them show up.
But for those who have diagnosed mental, physical, or mental and physical issues, it's a totally different ball game.
You see, my daughter has several "invisible illnesses". She has fibromyalgia, dysautonomia, major depressive disorder, narcolepsy and generalized anxiety disorder along with some other issues.
You don't see her crying because she's hurting so badly that she can't stand up to pick out her clothes for the day. You don't see her not eat because she is nauseated from anxiety due to being behind in her schoolwork. You don't see her try to "be normal" (for once) and go to a sporting event during a school break only to have it wipe her out for days afterward.
I understand that you probably have many in your classes that don't care. They don't care what they learn; they don't care what grades they make; they don't care about anything but hanging out with friends and partying.
I can't speak about every student with an invisible illness, but I have known several. Generally, they are incredibly hardworking and care so much about doing a good job and making great grades, even with all of the obstacles they deal with daily.
These young adults have more than the average number of doctor, therapist, and specialist appointments that take time away from attending class and getting homework/studying done.
Not going to class is a necessity at times for these kids because they literally can't deal with the pain or they literally aren't able to concentrate - or they have a doctor's appointment. They know that if they make it to class, they will be held accountable for the information so sometimes they are absent because they know they won't be able to retain what was said. They feel it's better to wait and get the notes later when they are able to focus.
Anxiety increases with every class missed, starting a horrible cycle...
You don't see her crying because she's hurting so badly that she can't stand up to pick out her clothes for the day. You don't see her not eat because she is nauseated from anxiety due to being behind in her schoolwork. You don't see her try to "be normal" (for once) and go to a sporting event during a school break only to have it wipe her out for days afterward.
I understand that you probably have many in your classes that don't care. They don't care what they learn; they don't care what grades they make; they don't care about anything but hanging out with friends and partying.
I can't speak about every student with an invisible illness, but I have known several. Generally, they are incredibly hardworking and care so much about doing a good job and making great grades, even with all of the obstacles they deal with daily.
These young adults have more than the average number of doctor, therapist, and specialist appointments that take time away from attending class and getting homework/studying done.
Not going to class is a necessity at times for these kids because they literally can't deal with the pain or they literally aren't able to concentrate - or they have a doctor's appointment. They know that if they make it to class, they will be held accountable for the information so sometimes they are absent because they know they won't be able to retain what was said. They feel it's better to wait and get the notes later when they are able to focus.
Anxiety increases with every class missed, starting a horrible cycle...
Class was missed so the notes have to be obtained, which takes time and effort. If there are questions about the lecture or assignment, a peer or professor has to be contacted for answers. If there was a quiz, test, or in-class work done, time outside of class must be found to make it up, which takes much more time and effort than just doing it in class. If there is a test review, these students miss this important benefit.
Spending time catching up from the missed class(es) means there may not be enough time to get the new homework or studying done before the next class. So, even if able to get to the next class, they are behind. They are trying so hard to catch up but "brain fog" (yes, that's a real thing) won't let them concentrate. New material is much harder to comprehend if they haven't been able to fully understand what was discussed earlier. The anxiety increases, which makes it harder to focus on catching up and usually makes the underlying condition worse, getting even more behind.
Spending time catching up from the missed class(es) means there may not be enough time to get the new homework or studying done before the next class. So, even if able to get to the next class, they are behind. They are trying so hard to catch up but "brain fog" (yes, that's a real thing) won't let them concentrate. New material is much harder to comprehend if they haven't been able to fully understand what was discussed earlier. The anxiety increases, which makes it harder to focus on catching up and usually makes the underlying condition worse, getting even more behind.
And the cycle continues...
Think about it logically... Why would a formerly good student choose to do all that extra work day after day if it wasn't necessary? Yes, some students get to high school or college and decide that fun is more important than grades, but those students also don't work constantly to try to make up what was missed.
This cycle is complicated further when a student feels that the teacher or school won't understand and thus doesn't feel comfortable disclosing a disability or accommodations. In this situation, the student struggles alone.
These students with health issues essentially have to teach themselves the material. At the risk of offending someone or repeating myself too much, it seems like some of the best professors and teachers automatically assume each student who isn't on time at every class is lazy and doesn't care. In many cases, that couldn't be further from the truth.
Another argument I sometimes hear is: "When they get out in the workforce there won't be those accommodations." I understand this point. As a mom, I am concerned about this point. I don't want my daughter to rely so much on her accommodations that she won't be a good employee or have a great career.
But there are several problems with that argument. One is that an employer is paying you to work; in college, you are paying for the education. The school is essentially the employee. So the school should do what the student (employer) needs in order to get the training needed to later enter the workforce.
Along those same lines, when these young adults go out to get jobs, they can look for jobs that could accommodate their needs. Jobs that include working from home, gig work, freelance, or those with flexible work hours are becoming more popular these days. Will these young adults always be able to get these jobs that will work around their disabilities? Maybe not, but if they know that there is no way they can work a typical 9-5 job, then they'll have to figure that out. Penalizing them while doing what it takes to get a degree won't automatically mean they will be able to work a standard job later.
Another problem with that argument is that a young adult is just beginning to learn how to do all this on their own. Most would agree that being a teenager or young adult can be a difficult time of life in the best of circumstances. Many young adults with chronic mental or physical illnesses aren't diagnosed until the late teenage years. Even if diagnosed as a child, learning to deal with these issues on your own is entirely different than when your parents or teachers were there to help you.
Think about a 10-year-old diagnosed with diabetes. At first, his parents and teachers help with managing the disease. As the years pass, he gets more comfortable taking charge of his own needs in that realm. By the time he gets to college, he should have experience in watching what he eats, independently testing his blood glucose, and figuring out how much insulin to inject.
Think about it logically... Why would a formerly good student choose to do all that extra work day after day if it wasn't necessary? Yes, some students get to high school or college and decide that fun is more important than grades, but those students also don't work constantly to try to make up what was missed.
This cycle is complicated further when a student feels that the teacher or school won't understand and thus doesn't feel comfortable disclosing a disability or accommodations. In this situation, the student struggles alone.
These students with health issues essentially have to teach themselves the material. At the risk of offending someone or repeating myself too much, it seems like some of the best professors and teachers automatically assume each student who isn't on time at every class is lazy and doesn't care. In many cases, that couldn't be further from the truth.
Another argument I sometimes hear is: "When they get out in the workforce there won't be those accommodations." I understand this point. As a mom, I am concerned about this point. I don't want my daughter to rely so much on her accommodations that she won't be a good employee or have a great career.
But there are several problems with that argument. One is that an employer is paying you to work; in college, you are paying for the education. The school is essentially the employee. So the school should do what the student (employer) needs in order to get the training needed to later enter the workforce.
Along those same lines, when these young adults go out to get jobs, they can look for jobs that could accommodate their needs. Jobs that include working from home, gig work, freelance, or those with flexible work hours are becoming more popular these days. Will these young adults always be able to get these jobs that will work around their disabilities? Maybe not, but if they know that there is no way they can work a typical 9-5 job, then they'll have to figure that out. Penalizing them while doing what it takes to get a degree won't automatically mean they will be able to work a standard job later.
Another problem with that argument is that a young adult is just beginning to learn how to do all this on their own. Most would agree that being a teenager or young adult can be a difficult time of life in the best of circumstances. Many young adults with chronic mental or physical illnesses aren't diagnosed until the late teenage years. Even if diagnosed as a child, learning to deal with these issues on your own is entirely different than when your parents or teachers were there to help you.
Think about a 10-year-old diagnosed with diabetes. At first, his parents and teachers help with managing the disease. As the years pass, he gets more comfortable taking charge of his own needs in that realm. By the time he gets to college, he should have experience in watching what he eats, independently testing his blood glucose, and figuring out how much insulin to inject.
But even that same young adult who as a child was independent in doing what was needed for his condition, in college he has to also be in charge of making sure he stays on top of ordering insulin, that he gets the supplies needed for testing and injections, that he knows what is going to be served at the cafeteria or an event so that he can bring something different if needed, and that he knows how to inform his teachers and other peers about what to do if he has an issue.
This is a lot to handle for someone who has already been dealing with it for years, but it's even more so for someone just diagnosed.
If you find out that you have a chronic condition that even doctors don't fully understand or can fix when you are a teen or young adult, it makes this already difficult time of life much, much harder to navigate. This age group doesn't have the life experience to know how to navigate the medical system; in fact, many don't know how to make a doctor appointment on their own.
When you find out you have a life-long condition that is manageable once the right therapy is found (which could take months or years) but isn't curable, it makes getting a homework assignment done on time not as much of a priority. If you could just give this student a few years working with doctors and specialists and management, you might be seeing someone entirely different..
But you can't wait. The student is in your class now, while navigating all this alone. Yes, parents may still help, but the bulk of their treatment is more and more on them as they become more independent in other areas of life.
I know that you want to help all of the students you are teaching. Remember that these young adults deserve the same education that the others do, even if it takes more effort to give them that education.
I know that you want to help all of the students you are teaching. Remember that these young adults deserve the same education that the others do, even if it takes more effort to give them that education.
Please commit to working with them within the limits of their accommodations. Recognize how hard it is for them to make it to class at all, instead of looking down on them because they were late or absent (again). Make them feel comfortable about coming to you when they run into issues because of their diagnosed conditions. Listen to their concerns about their grades and their later careers being affected by something they don't understand and can't fix.
Above all, trust, support, and validate that you realize that they are trying as hard as they can... just like everyone else.
Sincerely,
Just Another Mom of a Hardworking Young Adult with Invisible Illnesses
Sincerely,
Just Another Mom of a Hardworking Young Adult with Invisible Illnesses
Monday, October 7, 2019
Autobiography in Five Chapters by Portia Nelson
This is one of the best portrayals I've seen about the struggle of recovery...
...and how you finally win.
I I walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk I fall in. I am lost... I am hopeless. It isn't my fault. It takes forever to find a way out. II I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I pretend I don't see it. I fall in again. I can't believe I'm in the same place. But it isn't my fault. It still takes a long time to get out. III I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I see it is there. I still fall in...it's a habit My eyes are open; I know where I am; It is my fault. I get out immediately. IV I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I walk around it. V I walk down another street.
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