Not to be mean or crass, but those who say that don't have the life I do (think about walking in someone else's shoes and all that jive).
Mid-March started a roller coaster ride - one of those with top speeds and extreme drops and twists.
Have you ever wanted something so much you cried over it, and prayed to receive it, and talked to your best friend about it, and then you couldn't talk to your best friend about it because she had heard it so much, and you saw signs everywhere that it was going to happen... but it still didn't. So you finally gave up. This is how this period of my life began.
In March, the boyfriend I've dated for almost five years (at that point) and who I seriously thought might never want to get married, casually asked during a meal out, "What's your ring size?"
I had a huge rush of mixed thoughts and emotions... Was he serious? What if I misunderstood? Was he simply wanting to buy me jewelry for my upcoming birthday or did it mean more? Should I be excited or hopeful or what? My final emotion was fear; my thought was that I needed to evade the question.
I changed the subject.
A week or so later (I really SHOULD write down all these things), we were at another restaurant. Again, in the middle of eating, he casually asked, "What's your ring size?"
I had chalked the earlier encounter up to meaning nothing during the time in between the two dates. This time I had a little more courage. I asked him something like, "Are you asking what I think you're asking?"
He said he was.
I can't even describe the emotions I felt - elation, joy, hope, fear, anxiety, and many more rolled into one. I think I asked again. It was like the room got quiet and I tried to process his actual question. I remember hearing Randy Travis' "Forever and Ever, Amen." I hadn't heard a word of the restaurant's music before that moment.
I choked out that I had a ring sizer at home and I'd let him know... then we both went back to eating.
That is, we went back to eating for maybe a minute before the real excitement hit. I quickly pulled out my phone and looked up the screenshots of possible engagement rings I thought I would like when we hadn't been dating long and I still had hope that we would get married.
It took a while to find them as it had been several years since I had taken the screenshots. When I finally found them, I showed them to him and quickly told him that these were like what I wanted (like he was going to run out the minute we parted to buy me one and I wanted to get my opinion in).
He laughed and took note of what I wanted.
We went back to eating... for a few minutes this time.
I couldn't hold it in - and I was really pretending to eat anyway.
Words exploded from my mouth... descriptive words about how I wanted this and not this in a ring and when was he planning to get this and that I wanted the ring before he officially asked me and who knows what else I included about this development.
Then I finished with, "Actually, the more I think (and talk and talk) about it, I really don't know what I want, so how can you find it? Is it okay if I find it and let you buy it?"
He said that was fine. (I think he was secretly relieved not to have to try to read my picky mind about something so important.)
But back to speaking of roller coasters, I have got to get going with my day.I feel like I'm finally getting to that stretch of a coaster where it starts to slow down and I think I can catch up on how far behind I am with this blog. I'll pick this story up and hopefully can continue it in a day or two.