Letting Go of Perfectionism

By -

I recognized that I had perfectionistic tendencies when I was pretty young. However, I thought that was a good thing. I thought that being perfect was what everyone should aspire to.

These issues early on may have affected others, but I didn't realize. Looking back, even though I know that my perfectionism (when I achieved it, that is) probably made me too standoffish to really be friends with, it was what it did to me that was the biggest problem.

If I wasn't perfect, I had no worth. Second place wasn't good enough - I had to get first. The shame of not doing well in a piano lesson was almost too much to bear. My stomach hurt every... single... Sunday night - because I was terrified I had forgotten some homework or to study for a test.

In adulthood, friends and family were the ones who clued me in that it wasn't actually a positive trait. 

Some examples of it interfering with my life included...

- not letting others come to my house unless it was absolutely spotless,

- not allowing anyone to see my newborn baby until I was dressed and had full make-up on,

- not sharing things I was good at, but not perfect at, with others.

And that's just the tip of the iceberg.

So what I did was actively combat being a perfectionist. It wasn't easy.

I did things like actively leaving the dishes in the sink instead of washing them and putting them away. Letting my hair get a little greasy before I washed it. (I still couldn't let it go too long.) I actually started leaving the house without make-up (I know - gasp!)

Those types of activities helped to tame my perfectionism - to an extent. I still see it rearing its ugly head when my reputation is at stake. 

Photography and writing are examples. 

I can't make grammar or spelling errors in emails and texts, because someone might think I don't know what I'm doing with words. I can't post unedited photos on Instagram because they aren't, well, perfect.

But I'm trying. I want to get rid of this trait because I know that it really does affect my relationships - with others and with myself. 

So, I'll finish this so I can try to actively ignore the floor that desperately needs to be vacuumed. Keep in mind that I'm not lazy... I'm working on my mental health.



Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Mania to Depression During COVID-19

By -
I have bipolar disorder, Type 2, which some consider "mild"... but live in my shoes for a few weeks and you'll think it's anything but mild. As with many mental illnesses, one can be high-functioning or lower-functioning, depending on the severity of the illness, support from others, etc.  Maybe it's because performing well is a major part of my self-worth; maybe it's the work ethic I've been brought up with; maybe it's something else, but I have to be really, really depressed to keep me from working if I have a deadline for a task. Lately, I’ve been that depressed. Today I realized a couple of the reasons... First, the obvious: I mentioned why I feel I am high functioning despite having a serious disorder. COVID-19 has robbed some of that from me and I hadn't even realized it. My main job is as an event photographer. I supplement my income with rideshare (Uber/Lyft), mystery shopping, and some writing. So, three out of
Read more

A New/Old? Mental Health Issue... Really?!

By -
So... I'm working on a document and in it, I'm describing some of the mental health issues I had when I was in my early 20s. I thought one condition I had was called agoraphobia but I get all of the phobias' names mixed up so I decided to research it to make sure. Some background... My panic disorder started at that age (or my late teens, I can't remember exactly). It got so bad that I developed a mild version of agoraphobia. I would leave my house only to go to work and to church but wouldn't go anywhere else. Even work and church were difficult but my sense of responsibility somehow prevailed during those times. As many of us with mental or physical health issues do, I was a good actress and acted like I was okay when I was away from home, but I was a basket-case otherwise. Looking back, I was already displaying signs of both my addictive-prone personality as well as bipolar disorder, but then I had no clue mental health was really the issue. You probably th
Read more

Focus

By -
I just realized there's a double-meaning to the title of this post. I picked "Focus" for what I need to be doing as far as activities and professional work in the upcoming weeks. However, as someone who just had cataract surgery on my second eye and who is having trouble "focusing," it works for that too. As I said, I'm now recovering from my second cataract surgery. I'm really disappointed and frustrated. I can't see with my left eye - the one I use for distance vision. (Note... I have been corrected for what's called monovision - where one eye is corrected to see close up and the other to see far away. With most people, your brain adjusts and uses the correct eye to focus on what is needed at the time while temporarily shutting down the other. I used this method with contacts and had really good success, so I do know my brain can adjust.) I know that my eye doctor, multiple websites, etc ALL say that it takes, on average, 1-2 weeks for your eye
Read more