Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD), Part 1

I've known I have an eating disorder for about 5-6 years now. I've had weight issues my whole life and knew I wasn't "normal." After analyzing it more, I feel I was born with it - or got it very soon after. 

It was an essay I found in my baby book that proved that I haven't been a typical eater since I was a toddler. My older brother (nine years older) had a class assignment where he wrote about his "My Red-headed Little Sissy."

This was when I was about 2 years old.

One of the main points he had was how if someone went to the kitchen, I "burned the soles off my shoes" getting to the kitchen in case someone was eating.

That's just not normal.

However, I didn't know that someone overweight could have an eating disorder - I had the stereotypical perception of an eating disorder as someone who starved, threw up, and/or excessively exercised until my daughter, also overweight, was diagnosed with one (I can't remember the exact name so I won't list it until I confirm it with her.)

When she realized she had an eating disorder and went to treatment for it, I started learning as much as I could about the condition. 

But explaining symptoms, types, etc isn't the reason for this article.

It's about something I recently realized about myself.

A little background...

In November 2023, I got a TERRIBLE case of thrush. My dad had been in the hospital for a couple of months at this point and wasn't doing well. By the time he passed away, I wasn't able to talk. I had what could be best called sores all over the inside of my mouth.

I also wasn't able to eat. It hurt but mostly it was strange. Nothing tasted right. Actually, at that time, there was almost no flavor at all. 

I had no idea where to go for treatment - or if there was even a treatment available. I asked Dr Google more than once. When I still hadn't gotten rid of it a few months later (February 2024), my husband mentioned that an ENT might be able to help. 

Thankfully, I had one already established. It took no time for me to make an appointment.

I got there and yes, it was officially thrush. My heart was beating fast while nervously waiting to hear if there was a medicine or something would help.

There was. He told me about a special compounded (which means the pharmacist combined drugs to make it) mouthwash. I had to swish it for 30 seconds twice a day. 

Though it didn't taste horrible, it didn't taste good. Each morning and evening I had psych myself up in order to take it. It took getting to the bottom of the bottle for it to start working. 

I was so glad to not have to do it any more! I was so ready to get my taste buds back.

Time passed. During my Dr Google search, I saw that it's very easy for it to return. The pessimistic part of me meant that every day I woke up scared it was coming back.

On the other hand, my optimistic side was simply excited to gain my taste buds back. I wanted to be able to eat normally again so much.

The thrush cleared up completely. It never come back. But my taste buds didn't - at least not for a while.

Part 2 of my issue occurred later that month. My doctor had put me back on Ozempic after being off of it for over a year (through my insistence). Somehow, though, he missed how long it had been since I took it so I didn't start off slowly. 

I started back with the strongest dose right away. 

Time passed and I still couldn't eat. My taste buds started to slowly heal so that wasn't the cause. Foods started to taste a little better but I couldn't get anything down. 

No matter how hungry I was, I couldn't eat more than a few bites of food at a time. There were many times that when I tried to take one more bite, I would chew it up and have to spit it out. I just couldn't swallow it.

It was so strange to have hunger pains, to be weak from hunger, to want to eat so much - but not be able to.

At first I didn't attribute this to Ozempic. I wondered if, even though the thrush was visibly gone, there was something else about it that made me not be able to eat.

It took two doses of the Ozempic before I put two and two together. Dr Google told me that one of the side effects was gastroparesis, which it defines as a "long-term condition that causes food to move through the stomach more slowly than normal. It occurs when the stomach muscles that push food through the digestive tract become weakened or impaired."

Symptoms include: nausea, vomiting, bloating, belching, upper abdominal pain, feeling full soon after starting a meal, heartburn, and poor appetite.

I had every single one of the symptoms. 

I never got an official diagnosis. Once I looked up the tests a diagnosis took, I thought I'd try something first - stopping the Ozempic.

Dr Google told me that it took about 5 weeks for the Ozempic to fully leave my system. Hope came back. 

I started ticking off the days, the whole time nervous that it wouldn't work. 

The 5-week mark came and went. It was a little better but I still couldn't eat. 

Another week and it was still improving but the symptoms were still not completely gone.

However... I kept improving. 

However... months later the symptoms still weren't gone.

Stay tuned for Part 2 where I get into what I've recently realized about Body Dysmorphic Disorder.