Perspective Shift on Homelessness Due to a Family Member
(Before I start, I want you to know that I do realize there's a better way to refer to the homeless now, but, for the life of me, I can't remember what it is. I'll update this if I ever think of it.)
There is a lot of controversy over what to do about the homeless population. Some say to not give them money because it just fuels their addictions. Others say that it's the Christian thing to do - to help those in need.
I have been torn between the two - at times doing one and sometimes the other.
But there's nothing like having a situation like this get personal for it to change your perspective...
One of my nephews has a few mental health issues - the kind that make living a typical life almost impossible. He's incredibly smart and had an incredible future ahead of him before all this happened.
He had an episode before he was diagnosed where he was violent. This kid (I still think that though he's almost 30) is one of the most tranquil, laid-back individuals I've ever known. It was definitely his disease that made him act up like he did.
But his family (yes - my extended family) didn't understand. They wanted him to "snap out of it" and to get a job so he could get his life together. His mom kicked him out of her house. At the time, with therapy, medication, and government help, he was able to get an apartment and a job.
Though it wasn't easy - he had to walk and take the bus to and from work in Maine in the winter - he was able to keep going.
Until he wasn't.
Psych meds are some of the worst to manage. They usually have truly awful side effects so it's so tempting to stop taking them when a person starts to feel better. Or they stop working after a while. It often takes 6-8 weeks - or more - for them to even start working so it's a loooooong process to find a new one when needed.
I went through that merry-go-round with anti-depressants. I tried almost everything, alone or in combination, over several years. Nothing worked. I found out later it was because I was misdiagnosed and actually had bipolar disorder, which is another issue with these meds - and this field of medicine.
Well, my nephew was experiencing really bad side effects. He's smart enough to do research on his own and he found out what was causing the issues. He decided to wean himself off some of them.
At first, it was wonderful... amazing. He felt so much better. He had hopes and dreams again. He started writing music again. He decided to go back to school.
Then it wasn't.
After a while, the effects of not taking all his meds meant that he started showing signs of his disease again. This led to another big episode, more violence.
He was again kicked out of his home.
This time, he had nowhere to go except for his car. He's officially homeless. It breaks my heart but there's nothing I can do about it.
My husband and I barely have enough room for ourselves and there's a good chance our daughter (who is in a similar situation but currently is still living with her ex), might have to move in at any time. We are struggling financially and are also helping our daughter until she hopefully can get a job herself.
The only reassuring aspect of all this is knowing that he's strong and hopefully can figure a way out. His immediate family still tells him to snap out of it and get a job. I tell them to lay off him. He needs love and support, not to be told to do what he wants to do but obviously can't. But they aren't listening to me.
Anyway, that rant is beside the point.
What really made me change my perspective...
My mom, who talks to him just about every day (and is his biggest supporter), told me that one way he's making it is to collect cans and turn them in to earn a few dollars.
One day about a week ago, he was counting change at a McDonald's to get a hot meal when a man saw him. He gave him $20.
I teared up when Mom told me. I was so thankful for the compassion of this stranger toward my nephew.
And then it hit me - he's homeless. He is literally no different than those who live on the street, those who so many say need to be moved out of sight, those who so many say deserve or chose the life they have.
Honestly, some probably have, for various reasons. But I know the power of addiction, how mental health issues can overwhelm the strongest person, how a series of bad circumstances can cause the most industrious person to lose housing. A friend of mine has a dearly loved son who is homeless due to addiction.
My nephew is there because of mental health. My daughter is only one step away from there due to circumstances.
None are lazy. None chose this life. All had hopes and dreams that have been taken away.
There isn't an easy answer.
But I do know one thing.
They DON'T need to hear that they need to get jobs. They DON'T need to hear that they need to snap out of it. They DON'T need to feel they are worthless.
They are sons, daughters, dads, moms, employees, artists - and nephews. They are important. They are worth being supported.
Somehow, some way, we need to figure out how to help them realize those things - and help them in tangible ways to get out of the situation they are in so that they can get back to who they wanted to be before life got in the way.
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