Saturday, December 21, 2019

Depression Is...

Depression is...
... knowing how relaxing a hot bath would be but still putting it off as it's too much effort;
... recognizing that there's one task for the day that has a deadline, and even though it should only take about 10 minutes to finish and submit, still putting off getting it done;
... not caring about how you look;
... not being able to plan ahead, like what you need to buy at the grocery store so that you can make meals for the next week;
... forgetting something someone just told you;
... not wanting to get out of bed but also not being able to sleep while in that same bed;
... feeling "foggy" all the time, not being able to focus or concentrate, becoming very ADD but only for that time;
... not being able to decorate for a holiday, or at least not wanting to;
... realizing that your addiction is killing you but not being able to stop doing it, again because it's too much to even figure out where to start;
... viewing your work as horrible, even when it's almost constantly praised by clients and employers;
... crying over something very tiny going wrong;
... not being able to laugh at a comedian who you used to laugh so hard it hurt over;
... not being able to enjoy going on a date with someone you love;
... not being able to get your normal amount of work done because you just can't concentrate;
... getting angry over stupid stuff - things you would normally take in stride;
... having an extremely difficult time scheduling anything - from doctor's appointments to things to do with your family;
... having to fight negative thoughts all of the time;
... not caring about, well, much of anything.

Every one of these scenarios is something that has happened, or continues to happen, to me.  I have come a long way in that now I usually am able to recognize how crazy the thought is and not get totally wrapped up in anxiety over it, but it's still there and is often still a fight.

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