Just Because I Haven't Written...

By -
My goal was to write once a week, even though I said in my first post that I knew it might be less than that.  Well, I've already blown that goal.  It's been almost 3 weeks since I last wrote.  Sigh...

In my defense, the last two weeks have been INCREDIBLY busy for me.  A huge event with work, an out-of-town guest, and regular life have kept me more going more than I'd like.  But add to that my mental and physical issues, and it's enough to take anyone down.

You see, I found out recently I have Bipolar Type 2 Disorder.  This is on top of a laundry list of other physical and mental issues I've dealt with throughout my life.  Finding out I have bipolar is making so many other things make sense but it's still been a big issue.

I'll use the past couple of weeks as an example.  Just as this really busy time started, I hit a manic cycle.  Part of me was relieved.  Even though I rarely have the type of mania that most people associate with bipolar (the overly happy one), I'm able to get more done when I'm manic than when I'm in a depressed cycle.  The problem is that my mania usually is accompanied by extreme worry and sometimes mental paralysis.

I've been able to work on the big project a lot because of the need for less sleep and the motivation that increases with mania.  But the anxiety makes it hard because the negative mental script I have going constantly also increases in power and ferocity.  Furthermore, I know that my manic cycles don't last very long and when I crash, I crash hard.  Right now I don't have time to crash hard so I've been fighting and fighting to just keep going.

Speaking of going, I have got a lot of things I've got to get done today and I'm running late on getting them started.  Hopefully more soon.

#SpotlightOnStigma #SOS #WelcomedButNotAccepted #Stigma #MentalIllness #Bipolar #Addiction #SingleParenting #Alone #NotAlone #Depression #Anxiety #EatingDisorder #SuicidalThoughts #OCD

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Mania to Depression During COVID-19

By -
I have bipolar disorder, Type 2, which some consider "mild"... but live in my shoes for a few weeks and you'll think it's anything but mild. As with many mental illnesses, one can be high-functioning or lower-functioning, depending on the severity of the illness, support from others, etc.  Maybe it's because performing well is a major part of my self-worth; maybe it's the work ethic I've been brought up with; maybe it's something else, but I have to be really, really depressed to keep me from working if I have a deadline for a task. Lately, I’ve been that depressed. Today I realized a couple of the reasons... First, the obvious: I mentioned why I feel I am high functioning despite having a serious disorder. COVID-19 has robbed some of that from me and I hadn't even realized it. My main job is as an event photographer. I supplement my income with rideshare (Uber/Lyft), mystery shopping, and some writing. So, three out of
Read more

When Hopes and Dreams Attach to Things

By -
I'm embarrassed even as I write this.  Backstory... My husband recently joined my freelancing business. It's something we had planned to do "one day" but not right now.  An unexpected job loss and a little too much work for me to handle it on my own pushed us to try to make this work. It's not like we were living in the lap of luxury. Together we made only about $60k a year. Another $5k+ went towards medical bills due to his not-so-ideal health insurance and my many physical and mental health issues and another several thousand goes to help my daughter who currently can't work due to medical issues. With the change, we technically went to just over the poverty level. I really think we can build it to the point we'll have enough to live on. But with the transition, it became time to sell some of the things that I've been thinking about selling for a while - to help pad our income until we can figure things out on making a living doing this. Some were no
Read more

Once Again, I'm Ba-ack!

By -
 If you've read this blog any length of time at all, you know that as much as my desire to be consistent is, my life doesn't allow for much consistency. I'm not saying this as an excuse... it's just the way it is. When you deal with (summarized)... - multiple physical and mental health issues, - getting married at 54 years old to someone who was never married... and only being a little over a year into that marriage, - a grown daughter with multiple physical and mental health issues,  - a struggling freelance business that, though it makes money, never seems to allow me to get ahead, and - living with my elderly parents and helping them out... ... you don't have much left for things that aren't necessary. This time it was almost a three-month-long illness (complications from surgery) that ended with my dad's death. I was at the hospital the vast majority of the days, often getting there around 7am.  At first, I tried to work while I was there. In fact, anyth
Read more