Wednesday, May 29, 2019

Just Because I Haven't Written...

My goal was to write once a week, even though I said in my first post that I knew it might be less than that.  Well, I've already blown that goal.  It's been almost 3 weeks since I last wrote.  Sigh...

In my defense, the last two weeks have been INCREDIBLY busy for me.  A huge event with work, an out-of-town guest, and regular life have kept me more going more than I'd like.  But add to that my mental and physical issues, and it's enough to take anyone down.

You see, I found out recently I have Bipolar Type 2 Disorder.  This is on top of a laundry list of other physical and mental issues I've dealt with throughout my life.  Finding out I have bipolar is making so many other things make sense but it's still been a big issue.

I'll use the past couple of weeks as an example.  Just as this really busy time started, I hit a manic cycle.  Part of me was relieved.  Even though I rarely have the type of mania that most people associate with bipolar (the overly happy one), I'm able to get more done when I'm manic than when I'm in a depressed cycle.  The problem is that my mania usually is accompanied by extreme worry and sometimes mental paralysis.

I've been able to work on the big project a lot because of the need for less sleep and the motivation that increases with mania.  But the anxiety makes it hard because the negative mental script I have going constantly also increases in power and ferocity.  Furthermore, I know that my manic cycles don't last very long and when I crash, I crash hard.  Right now I don't have time to crash hard so I've been fighting and fighting to just keep going.

Speaking of going, I have got a lot of things I've got to get done today and I'm running late on getting them started.  Hopefully more soon.

#SpotlightOnStigma #SOS #WelcomedButNotAccepted #Stigma #MentalIllness #Bipolar #Addiction #SingleParenting #Alone #NotAlone #Depression #Anxiety #EatingDisorder #SuicidalThoughts #OCD

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