Following are concurrent text conversations I had with two different women at my church about an upcoming women's retreat. It's something I've thought about a lot. Read through it and I'll provide my thoughts at the end.
Note that names have been changed to protect the innocent. (Even though this is a very serious topic - LOL!) Plus, I didn't correct the typos or grammar. After all, it is texting. :-) (I hope my former English teachers never read it!)
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8.15.24, Sunday evening
Conversation with Jane Doe #1
(We had talked in person earlier and this text conversation picked up on what we talked about.)
ME:
If I go, can I ride with you?
JANE #1:
I'm in a car with Jane #2 and Jane #3 and all the sound equipment 🤣🤣🤣 And keyboard... Jane #2 is in charge of carpools since we're limited to 10 cars... If you can go, we can see what the space looks like on our car.
ME:
OK. Honestly, that could make or break going for me. Who's doing sound?
JANE #1:
I have no idea maybe Jane #4...?
Switch to conversation with Jane Doe #5
(I sent this first text message earlier.)
ME:
Jane #5... It's Tracy Frontz (from church). When you first announced the retreat a couple of months ago, I looked at my calendar and saw I had a shoot for a nonprofit that weekend. It's one we had done for I think, four years. I would never have bailed on them. So I didn't pay attention anymore to the updates about the retreat.
This morning, I realized it's next weekend. Before I left for church, I went ahead and transferred my calendar into my weekly to-do list. I noticed there wasn't anything going on this weekend.
It took a lot of thinking and talking to Travis about it before I realized it was the foot-race fundraiser for Blanket Fort Hope we were supposed to shoot. For some reason, they moved the date of the race - so now I'm free to potentially go.
I asked Jane #1, who said to contact you about it. The thing is... I'm either free or have meetings that I can reschedule during the retreat time. But I simply can't afford it - not even close. Is there a scholarship or something?
(She just texted back, interrupting my conversation with Jane #1.)
JANE #5:
Hey Tracy! We had someone not be able to go who has already paid their deposit. She said don't worry about the $100 deposit and if someone was able to come last min then they could use that. So it would be $200 instead of the $300. It does cover 3 breakfasts, and one dinner (and an ice cream social :).
ME:
Thanks but there's no way I can afford that. We are in a deficit every month right now. I didn't even realize all the meals weren't even covered... I'd have to brownbag those, or at least some of them. Maybe one day things will change and I'll get to go to one. Thanks for letting me know.
JANE #5:
Oh yeah sorry, we will be eating out a couple of times and we're splitting gas money as well. Hopefully it will all go smooth this year and we will be able to have them each year! And we can have the date planned out way in advance so more people can plan!
ME:
Unless something major changes, I still probably couldn't afford it.
JANE #5:
There will be lots of fun women's events coming soon at the church! 😍
ME:
Honestly, I wasn't looking for fun. I was looking to bond with some of the women at church.... And hopefully encounter God together.
JANE #5:
There will be lots of opportunities for that to come with the women's ministry I'm sure !
ME:
I'm sorry, but that's not the point. It separates the haves and have-nots. Have-nots will never be completely accepted because they can't keep up with what the haves don't even think about, like how meeting at Starbucks for a cup of coffee is way too much for a large part of the population.
JANE #5:
I understand. I’m sorry that we are unable to provide individual scholarships at this time. Unfortunately our church is just not currently in a position to fund this trip for individuals right now. In the future we hope to be able to include anyone and have multiple scholarships available.
Switch back to conversation with Jane Doe #1.
ME:
Oh well... I'm not going. Jamie said there was someone who can't go and didn't ask for their deposit back, so it would still be $200, plus I didn't realize all the meals weren't covered so that would be even more.
JANE #1:
Awwww... I'm sorry...
ME:
I'm actually sad... And I'm mad. You gotta have money to be involved in so much at churches. Travis and I have even skipped church because we didn't have money for gas. Shouldn't either a church be willing to help those who can't afford it or only have activities that everyone can afford? What was the scripture we read about today anyway?
I feel that if you've never gone without, you don't get it. church is very elitist. I've not gone to church before because I couldn't afford nice clothes... I thought "the church of the Janes" was different.
JANE #1:
I will say this is the first big event that has cost anything... There was a dinner and concert at Christmas that cost to cover dinner but for the most part they are really good at providing events with little to no cost... And I know there are people that gladly scholarship people anonymously... I wouldn't let this last minute chance be what you base your opinion on of A2... I've found them to be an extremely generous in so many ways... I'm so sorry that this didn't work out but there are so many other opportunities to connect with people and I'm believing that they will be exactly what God has for us ♥️
ME:
We live with my mom... And have 3 rooms, one of which is a study bcs both work from home. I wash dishes in the bathroom sink. The car we drive we got because we needed a car we could take mom to appointments in and my old car was to small. We still owe her for the full amount of it. I can't invite anyone over because the only private space we have had one couch and shares the rest of the room for a makeshift kitchen....
I heard what you said and I understand. But i still feel it's an issue. In fact, it's something I plan to write about.
Oh well... Maybe I'll be able to play this Sunday at least
I guess I thought this retreat was different too. It sounds like a fun time. I thought it was going to be a chance to bond with others... I feel very left out at church sometimes. I had hoped that worship team would be where I could really get to know people... And that might not happen. At this moment I thought that maybe this was a way I could do it, and it isn't happening. But I'll leave you alone now. See you Tuesday night.
ME:
I know it is hard... I worked at a church in Nashville so my kids could go to camp and on mission trips so I do understand... I wish we could have every event fully funded...!!
I do know that there are people going that were creative in their funding for this trip... I was one of them... I've sold several things on Facebook and I've saved over the last few weeks so it wouldn't be a hardship...
I do not think that the intent of this trip was to exclude anyone...!! This is truly the sweetest, most genuine body of believers I've ever been around... I'm praying that the enemy does not win in using this to create division or offense... Love you friend ♥️
ME:
I don't think it was meant to exclude anyone either. The problem is that, for many, it's never even thought about. I know I'm especially sensitive to this topic as my blog is all about it.. Spotlight on Stigma... Welcomed but Not Accepted.
JANE #1:
I understand your sensitivity... I truly do... Please do ever believe for one second that you are not accepted...!!
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I chatted a little more with Jane #1 but this was the relevant part.
I was so sad... and honestly, pretty mad.
(Okay - I have many more thoughts but not enough time to go into them. I'll add more later.)
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